I gotta say it, I can’t hold back the rage any longer.

Film Critics who use “rom-com” or “rom-zom-com” or say “torture porn” or add “porn” to the end of another word to form a film-related phrase or say “double-dipping” to refer to a DVD re-release should be smeared in feces and have urine thrown at them.

It’s not trendy, funny, cute or neat. It’s simply fucking lazy.

There. Whew. I feel better now.

Please read this article if you’ve been getting Rogers/Yahoo search page when using Firefox 3.

Now here’s the fix for Mac users from the thread below the article (Win instructions are in the article).

1. Go to System Preferences
2. Click on Network
3. Select “Airport” on the left (or whichever internet connection you are using)
4. Click on Advanced
5. Select DNS from the bar
6. Add the following two DNS numbers: 4.2.2.1 and 4.2.2.2
7. (optional) i added google.com on the right menu, im sure this step isnt necessary but everything is running smooth for me
8. Click on OK and then Apply.

Unbelievable.

I’m sure there’s some kind of clause somewhere that I’ve signed regarding my Blackberry and the oatmeal-brained cretins that think I’d want to be violated via every communication device I own.

There’s fake “women” sending me texts over Microsoft’s Messenger asking me to cyber-meet with them, multitudes of crazed spam trying to get me to buy viagra and consolidate my debt (haha) - porn is a rareity these days it seems - then, there’s this well written little gem I just received over my Blackberry. Honestly, I cannot understand why this invasion of my privacy is so prevalent. I’m gobsmacked that these spammers actually make any money from these ventures. If you’re someone who has responded to any of these, you’re just a sad, lonely, creepy little carbuncle.

“hi. A pal gave me ure #, but i am a bit shy, so i dont want to say who I am yet. But, if ur interested, come find me at [site omitted as I refuse to give these idiots any traffic]“

What a pip! This is like me randomly dialing someone from the phone book and asking them out on a fucking date! I especially enjoy the misspelling of “you’re” differently - twice. When I used to work in the adult business, we had people sitting around making this garbage up to trap the pathetic slobs (mostly males) who would then get the shaft by responding to these “clever” planted, online “calls to action” and of course, keep the chat/porn pimps rolling in dough.

It’s no different from a telemarketing scam, I suppose. (Except, you have no recourse or ability to respond to these anonymous intrusions). I just feel sick at heart for the human race when I see brainless crap like this. Rancid little weasels, rubbing their hands together and preying on the stupid.

Once again, computers …will be the death of us all.

Let me just say that I’ve been to Santa Fe and know what a real burrito tastes like. I’ve had breakfast burritos there that tasted better than a top of the line steak dinner at [insert over-priced foodie trend-hole here]. The Mexican and Spanish south of the border know what they’re doing when it comes to steaks, to be sure, but more importantly, they know how to make a decent burrito.

Coming back to Canada, I went on an extensive search to find the perfect burrito (breakfast and otherwise) and while not the most gourmet of foods, when it’s late at night, you’ve been writing, drawing, or out having a few drinks with friends, there’s nothing like picking up something that not only simply tastes good, but sticks to your ribs in a most satisfying way.

Anyway, a lovely little Ecuadorian coffee shop opened across the street from me and thanks to my friend Diliana, I have found the equivalent of the breakfast burrito I had been so longing from my mornings in Santa Fe. In my joy, I foolishly (not to the owners of espresso mi vida, of course) extolled the virtues of this delicious café to my co-workers and now, every Friday, the morning ritual from Santa Fe is now taking place here.

Regarding the beef and bean or bean and cheese delights previously mentioned, I have yet to find anything comparable and yet, believe it or not, the closest I can get to something as simple, is the packaged bean and cheese or beef and bean burritos you find at your local supermarket.

All they contain are refried beans, some spices and cheese. Don’t start squawking about the preservatives or I’ll go into a tirade about the life-span of the average pioneer settler. They used to sell these at 7-11 and so one dark night after getting a craving for these microwaved bombs of refried beans, I reluctantly made my way to the only place open at half-past midnight.

To my disappointment, they did not have any of the average junk-food burritos I desired. Instead, they had another proprietary brand called “Big Eats” by 7-11 themselves. Weighing the options I thought, how bad could it be considering I once found a bone nub in one of my favored packaged burritos of yore. I mean, how badly can one mess up a bean and cheese burrito? (Yes, you’re about to find out how…)

Here’s the packaging below. I refused to eat any of this tortilla-wrapped vomit after my first wary bite.

And now, you may see for yourselves how the idiots at 7-11 head office has ruined a perfectly good fast food item. (Click on it for a nice close examination. I didn’t eat any of it. Go’wan, you know you want to.)

Looks like roadkill doesn’t it? Like someone backed over a human body several times. One that contained giant toads in each pocket. Every restaurant and foodstuff manufacturer seems to think that the trick to recreating “Southwestern” style edibles is to add all manner of debris that have no part in the cooking of certain dishes down there. It reminded me of a crappy little chain restaurant I used to live near that put green peppers in everything, save the creme bruleé.

If I were a scientist, I would have rushed down to the lab and liquified this trash just to separate the chunks of spanish onions, cooking onions, red peppers and green peppers from what’s left of the actual bean matter and non-existent cheese. I’m just curious that way.

Currently, I am suffering from heart-burn and nausea. (I seriously only had one bite.)

7-11. Next time you try to make an actual product, instead of just getting some zombified dope behind the counter to sell them, please for god’s sake, take my burrito recipe. It’s yours.

Tortilla Shell
Refried Beans
Cheddar Cheese

And one last thing. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT heat for 45 seconds like the packaging says. Unless you think you could eat the above cold.

When we were kids, we snuck up into my friend’s parent’s garage attic to listen to one of the “forbidden” albums (yes, before CDs) of a man who not only encompassed ribald rebellion, but honesty in it’s purest form: wit.

One of my heroes is dead.

1:42:53 PM dukepobywyd42@hotmail.com: Hey, are you busy? I’m really lonely right now on my webcam waiting for somebody to cum chat with me on this awesome online webcam website!!! go here [link omitted] i’m waiting =)

1:43:02 PM BuCkSaTaN: Kill yourself!

(By the way, the link, if you hadn’t guessed is… yep, porn.)