God help me, I don’t know why, but I think it’s funny to shout CB lingo over messenger.

4:26:38 PM gjuddy mcmudd: back
4:28:09 PM BuCkSaTaN: HEY GOOD BUDDY! BREAKER BREAKER!
4:30:51 PM BuCkSaTaN: YA JUST BLEW MA BACK DOORS OFF GOOD BUDDY!
4:31:02 PM BuCkSaTaN: THAT’S A 10-28 GOOD BUDDY
4:31:14 PM gjuddy mcmudd: ah huh
4:36:07 PM BuCkSaTaN: WHAT’S THAT, GOOD BUDDY? THAT WAS A 10-1 ON THAT LAST TRANSMISSION!

I gotta say it, I can’t hold back the rage any longer.

Film Critics who use “rom-com” or “rom-zom-com” or say “torture porn” or add “porn” to the end of another word to form a film-related phrase should be smeared in feces and have urine thrown at them.

It’s not trendy, funny, cute or neat. It’s simply fucking lazy.

There. Whew. I feel better now.

Please read this article if you’ve been getting Rogers/Yahoo search page when using Firefox 3.

Now here’s the fix for Mac users from the thread below the article (Win instructions are in the article).

1. Go to System Preferences
2. Click on Network
3. Select “Airport” on the left (or whichever internet connection you are using)
4. Click on Advanced
5. Select DNS from the bar
6. Add the following two DNS numbers: 4.2.2.1 and 4.2.2.2
7. (optional) i added google.com on the right menu, im sure this step isnt necessary but everything is running smooth for me
8. Click on OK and then Apply.

Unbelievable.

I’m sure there’s some kind of clause somewhere that I’ve signed regarding my Blackberry and the oatmeal-brained cretins that think I’d want to be violated via every communication device I own.

There’s fake “women” sending me texts over Microsoft’s Messenger asking me to cyber-meet with them, multitudes of crazed spam trying to get me to buy viagra and consolidate my debt (haha) - porn is a rareity these days it seems - then, there’s this well written little gem I just received over my Blackberry. Honestly, I cannot understand why this invasion of my privacy is so prevalent. I’m gobsmacked that these spammers actually make any money from these ventures. If you’re someone who has responded to any of these, you’re just a sad, lonely, creepy little carbuncle.

“hi. A pal gave me ure #, but i am a bit shy, so i dont want to say who I am yet. But, if ur interested, come find me at [site omitted as I refuse to give these idiots any traffic]“

What a pip! This is like me randomly dialing someone from the phone book and asking them out on a fucking date! I especially enjoy the misspelling of “you’re” differently - twice. When I used to work in the adult business, we had people sitting around making this garbage up to trap the pathetic slobs (mostly males) who would then get the shaft by then responding to these “cleverly” planted, online “calls to action” and of course, keep the chat/porn pimps rolling in dough.

It’s no different from a telemarketing scam, I suppose. (Except, you have no recourse or ability to respond to these anonymous intrusions). I just feel sick at heart for the human race when I see brainless crap like this. Rancid little weasels, rubbing their hands together and preying on the stupid.

Once again, computers …will be the death of us all.

Coming back to Canada, I went on an extensive search to find the perfect burrito (breakfast and otherwise) and while not the most gourmet of foods, when it’s late at night, you’ve been writing, drawing, or out having a few drinks with friends, there’s nothing like picking up something that not only simply tastes good, but sticks to your ribs in a most satisfying way.

Anyway, a lovely little Ecuadorian coffee shop opened across the street from me and thanks to my friend Diliana, I have found the equivalent of the breakfast burrito I had been so longing from my mornings in Santa Fe. In my joy, I foolishly (not to the owners of espresso mi vida, of course) extolled the virtues of this delicious café to my co-workers and now, every Friday, the morning ritual from Santa Fe is now taking place here.

Regarding the beef and bean or bean and cheese delights previously mentioned, I have yet to find anything comparable and yet, believe it or not, the closest I can get to something as simple, is the packaged bean and cheese or beef and bean burritos you find at your local supermarket.

All they contain are refried beans, some spices and cheese. Don’t start squawking about the preservatives or I’ll go into a tirade about the life-span of the average pioneer settler. They used to sell these at 7-11 and so one dark night after getting a craving for these microwaved bombs of refried beans, I reluctantly made my way to the only place open at half-past midnight.

To my disappointment, they did not have any of the average junk-food burritos I desired. Instead, they had another proprietary brand called “Big Eats” by 7-11 themselves. Weighing the options I thought, how bad could it be considering I once found a bone nub in one of my favored packaged burritos of yore. I mean, how badly can one mess up a bean and cheese burrito? (Yes, you’re about to find out how…)

Here’s the packaging below. I refused to eat any of this tortilla-wrapped vomit after my first wary bite.

And now, you may see for yourselves how the idiots at 7-11 head office has ruined a perfectly good fast food item. (Click on it for a nice close examination. I didn’t eat any of it. Go’wan, you know you want to.)

Looks like roadkill doesn’t it? Like someone backed over a human body several times. One that contained giant toads in each pocket. Every restaurant and foodstuff manufacturer seems to think that the trick to recreating “Southwestern” style edibles is to add all manner of debris that have no part in the cooking of certain dishes down there. It reminded me of a crappy little chain restaurant I used to live near that put green peppers in everything, save the creme bruleé.

If I were a scientist, I would have rushed down to the lab and liquified this trash just to separate the chunks of spanish onions, cooking onions, red peppers and green peppers from what’s left of the actual bean matter and non-existent cheese. I’m just curious that way.

Currently, I am suffering from heart-burn and nausea. (I seriously only had one bite.)

7-11. Next time you try to make an actual product, instead of just getting some zombified dope behind the counter to sell them, please for god’s sake, take my burrito recipe. It’s yours.

Tortilla Shell
Refried Beans
Cheddar Cheese

And one last thing. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT heat for 45 seconds like the packaging says. Unless you think you could eat the above cold.

One of my heroes is dead.

(By the way, the link, if you hadn’t guessed is… yep, porn.)

[Sample Scene]

1:35:24 PM Gjuddy McMudd: sorry…can’t concentrate long enough to read it…
1:35:34 PM BuCkSaTaN: He lost me after the bit about Nietzsche.
1:36:05 PM Gjuddy McMudd: it’s true…but only reading online…I’m reading a book constantly.
1:36:16 PM Gjuddy McMudd: Something about staring at the screen…
1:36:39 PM BuCkSaTaN: Yeah I’ve always got a book on the go - I agree with you - it’s tough to read online - if I print it out and hit the crapper it’s much easier.
1:36:55 PM Gjuddy McMudd: The crapper…
1:37:05 PM BuCkSaTaN: You have to wonder what future generations are going to be like…
1:37:14 PM Gjuddy McMudd: I know…
1:37:28 PM BuCkSaTaN: How about your kids? They read?
1:37:40 PM Gjuddy McMudd: Not like I did, though they are starting to a little more.
1:37:44 PM BuCkSaTaN: My god - are we actually having an adult discussion?
1:37:48 PM BuCkSaTaN: This can’t be good.

3:53:09 PM BuCkSaTaN: Hey got any B52s? In particular the first two albums.
3:53:22 PM BuCkSaTaN: Actually those are the only two good albums.
3:53:45 PM Gjuddy McMudd: if it was anyone but you I’d think that was a joke…
3:54:14 PM BuCkSaTaN: Who can resist the campy, good-time, yet satirical, pop of the B52s??
3:54:18 PM Gjuddy McMudd: of course
3:54:34 PM BuCkSaTaN: So I’ll take that as a no?
3:54:41 PM Gjuddy McMudd: you sure can
3:54:42 PM BuCkSaTaN: bah
3:54:55 PM Gjuddy McMudd: may have rock lobster kickin’ around somewhere
3:55:05 PM Gjuddy McMudd: for when the WOMEN are at Gordoon’s
3:55:14 PM BuCkSaTaN: bah… the entire first album is killer. So is their second one actually.
3:56:51 PM BuCkSaTaN: Granted, I’ll never forgive them for covering the Flintstones theme and they really sucked after 1980, but hey…
3:57:22 PM Gjuddy McMudd: I can’t believe yer still talking about the B52’s!
3:57:31 PM BuCkSaTaN: haha

3:57:54 PM Gjuddy McMudd: game six tonight….
3:58:03 PM BuCkSaTaN: What’s that?
3:58:04 PM Gjuddy McMudd: and on a Wednesday night
3:58:08 PM Gjuddy McMudd: yeehaw
3:58:10 PM BuCkSaTaN: Pool?
3:58:12 PM Gjuddy McMudd: game 6
3:58:15 PM BuCkSaTaN: of what?
3:58:17 PM Gjuddy McMudd: hockey
3:58:19 PM Gjuddy McMudd: stanley cup
3:58:21 PM BuCkSaTaN: oh christ…
3:58:27 PM BuCkSaTaN: Hockey.
3:58:34 PM Gjuddy McMudd: aw, go listen to yer B52’s…
3:58:58 PM BuCkSaTaN: Better than listening to some old fart screaming voice over into my living room.
3:59:12 PM Gjuddy McMudd: bah!
3:59:53 PM BuCkSaTaN: And some old bag cranking out the same organ crap during the interminable waits between the “action”. SNORRRRRE

“Not with your fingers, Spangler! That’s all you understand - things you eat with your hands whilst walking down the street.” - Albert Spica, The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover

I like restaurants. I love eating out. There is just something so civilized about preparing to go out, meeting with a dear friend or acquaintances and having discussion while dining.

I am entirely uncomfortable eating outside. I abhor picnics and patio dining. I cannot wolf down pizza on a park bench or loiter on a street corner while scarfing a hot dog “on the go”. I feel a tremendous pity when I see someone crunching away on a chocolate bar or a fetid, greasy hamburger while they stare vacuously into space waiting for the subway. To absent-mindedly fill your face with some generic matter is to me akin to fucking a stranger on a one-night stand. It’s childish and unsatisfying. An immediate pleasure, it’s pointlessness underlined by rapid consumption and subsequent abandonment.

Being able to focus on the matter at hand, the foreplay of small talk that leads down a road to deeper intimacy, comfortability washing over the group, laughter and merriment prodded by a little too much liquor, lover’s limbs secretly caressing under the table, knowing glances. The anticipation of a well prepared meal and the joyous carelessness of losing track of time, all while being served, waited on, is something to be savored.

To swill a rich glass of merlot or cold beer while enjoying the company of others, now that’s living.

10:59:56 PM BuCkSaTaN: I didn’t get your voice message because I need Fagdows
11:00:08 PM Gary Gnu: it was an accident
11:00:19 PM Gary Gnu: it was gonna be pissing
11:00:20 PM BuCkSaTaN: bah
11:00:21 PM Gary Gnu: brb
11:00:51 PM BuCkSaTaN: ok when will you realize that anyone who uses Winblows is just asking for a big cock in their brown eye?
11:02:59 PM Gary Gnu: when will you realize that anyone who uses osx just wants to live a frustrated life?
11:03:22 PM BuCkSaTaN: My life is totally fine. It’s Windows that makes it miserable.
11:03:31 PM BuCkSaTaN: The fact that so many losers exist.
11:03:55 PM BuCkSaTaN: trekkers
11:03:56 PM Gary Gnu: you know i can’t remember the last time i called a friend and said my computer was fucked…. oh wait it’s never happened.
11:04:49 PM Gary Gnu: they both suck just one of the two gives you more control to fix it…
11:05:23 PM Gary Gnu: kaaaaannt
11:05:45 PM BuCkSaTaN: Yeah but it’s still gay. And that’s the sad part.
11:08:40 PM BuCkSaTaN: New Microsoft tag line: “It’s gay. But it works.”
11:09:57 PM BuCkSaTaN: Or “It’s gay. But someone has got to use it.”
11:10:09 PM BuCkSaTaN: Or my favorite: “It’s gay. And cheap.”
11:11:03 PM BuCkSaTaN: Wait! Wait… “It’s just fucking gay.”
11:11:07 PM BuCkSaTaN: Yeah, I like that one.
11:11:23 PM Gary Gnu: OSX Tagline “You’re pretty much fucked if you didn’t get AppleCare, but no matter the problem just try upgrading”
11:11:30 PM BuCkSaTaN: haha

So, for all ten of you out there reading the ol’ blog, it’s back up. Any entries after “From Beyond on DVD” are sadly lost, but they weren’t Wordsworth or anything, so I’ll just start from here. Also, if you’re on my Facebook, forget about clicking on any note links to read the rest of any of the newsfeed entries.

The internet is useless. Remember kids, if you care about your intangible work online - make backups constantly, and don’t write directly in the blog editor like I’m doing right n———–

How does a studio decide what films take precedence over another? When DVDs first arrived on the scene I remember being livid that Chairman of the Board was released at least three years before The Godfather. Anyway, now that every film and television show is released almost simultaneously with it’s first-run, there’s still a pile of great films that still haven’t gotten the attention they deserve.

1. The New Age
Michael Tokin is best known for writing The Player, but along with his directorial debut The Rapture, The New Age is another under-rated masterpiece from the master of satire.

2. Reds
Warren Beatty’s epic story of journalist John Reed. Roger Ebert called it the “thinking man’s Doctor Zhivago”. This film merits a two-disk special edition with extended interviews from the actual participants of this turbulent time in history.

3. From Beyond
One of the greatest “B” movies of the 80s. A nice 2 disk package along the lines of “Re-Animator” would do nicely. Recently, I have read in Rue Morgue that a worthy DVD package is indeed on it’s way. There have been a couple of attempts to get this out, (1) (2), but they’re nothing to speak of and good luck finding them online. Stuart Gordon is over-seeing the release of the 2 disk set.

4. The Devils
If ever a Ken Russell film should be uncut and digitally transferred it’s his 1974 film about Urbain Grandier, a priest accused of devil worship after being spurned by Sister Jeanne, a psychotic nun whose revenge deeds make Alex Forrest’s character in Fatal Attraction look like Sister Bertrille. Based on Aldous Huxley’s The Devils of Loudon, HKFlix once had a copy, but it is now, of course, on backorder. It isn’t even possible to get this title on VHS anymore unless you try it used on amazon.com. Warner Brothers - get off your asses!

5. White Hunter, Black Heart
A cheap-ass cardboard box version of this amazing Clint Eastwood film was released years ago, although this epic, philosophical classic, detailing the location shoot of “The African Queen”, hardly deserves such shoddy treatment. Clint Eastwood is brilliant as an artist in conflict (based on John Huston via the novel by Peter Viertel; who also wrote the screenplay for African Queen). A three disk set with the film, extras and the Huston film would be the best way to handle this.

To be continued…