Ok, that’s two X-Files references in the last couple of postings… Either I’m getting more paranoid than usual, sharper at spotting the lies in our society or watching too many re-runs of “The X-Files”.

Have a look at these two pictures, taken from a local area newspaper. This is not a national publication, but specific to the area in which Gjuddy and I found it. The first one has not been altered from my scan other than a change in resolution. The second one has the flaws pointed out in its’ not-so deceptive layout. Gjuddy and I spotted these fairly quickly since we use Photoshop on a regular basis whereas the general public we “polled” couldn’t tell what was wrong with the front page photo.

The signs:

1. The man standing on the left is clearly clasping his hands - the gun seems to be hovering in mid-air in front of him.

2. The man’s left shoulder line is drastically sharper than his right, meaning he has been cut out from a separate source and placed in this photo.

3. Julian Fantino’s left arm line is also suspect, possibly indicating he has also been taken from a secondary photo source and placed into this one.

4. The table of guns in the forefront of the picture are massive in comparison to the guns on the table in front of the podium. Note the drop shadow of the gun in the back in relation to the gun boxes which appear to be sitting directly in front of the conference’s backdrop.

5. The backdrop is at an odd angle and the ride side of the backdrop is far sharper than the right. Note the flags in relation to one another.

6. This one is a bit trickier. It seems as if the police woman is either a very small lady or the perspective seems a bit off considering how close Fantino is to the backdrop. Depth of field illusion or police cover-up?! You decide.

There’s really only two conclusions to come to here, not that either of them are surprising;

1. The journalistic integrity of our community “news” outlets has sunk to the calibre of “Bat Boy” and the Weekly World News.

2. The question of just how many guns were seized is really up for debate and this photo is being used for some unknown political agenda in the city area from which it was culled.

Overall, though, it underlines how much of what people are being told is true, by supposed trusted sources, compared to what they are to believe about those stories. It could also mean that Gjuddy and I were drunk on St.Paddy’s and decided to amuse ourselves. I think my favorite part is the credit, “photo by”…singular.

“Okay Mulder…” you’re probably saying, “Crack open another bag of sunflower seeds and keep your wacky conspiracy theories to yourself.”

Usually when life gets me down, I find a nice horrific disaster movie to watch. Films such as “Titanic“, “Alive“, “Twister“, “The Perfect Storm” or the like because they are the perfect antidote to depression and/or pitiful self-loathing. These horrific tales are not cathartic because the film’s characters have been subjected to nature’s fury, hence, it brings out the hero’s indomitable spirit against horrendous odds, oh no… It’s because as human beings, I believe the only thing we naturally think, when we watch a horrific “Act of God” scenario, is “Thank Christ it wasn’t me!”

I’m not about to bitch and whine about my problems here since I don’t feel the need to direct my angst and misery at anyone or anything but it’s source, but I will drop a URL on y’all so that we all may read the woes of others and think, “My life is peachy fucking creamy! What have I got to worry about!?”

“http://www.mymiserablelife.com/”:http://www.mymiserablelife.com/

Read a few stories on this site and tell me you don’t put on a tu-tu, go skipping tra-la-la down the street, smellin’ the roses, with a lollipop sticking out of your ass.

(How real these stories are is anybody’s guess.)

Nothing pisses me off more than using Firefox and going to a site with these idiotic, monstrous Flash smilie banners (http://www.smileycentral.com/). Now, most of the Flash I produce - and various random websites with Flash - seem to work fine in Firefox.

I will fly into a fucking rage when I am doing something as simple as looking up text information on IMDB and they have two of these asinine banners on the same page, crashing my Firefox! No one seems to have been able to solve this issue. If you’re a real code head, you can always spend all afternoon tinkering with this issue. Is the problem Macromedia, Firefox or the idiot banner?

In the meantime, I have located the answer to my prayers. Just install into Firefox, use command-shift-F (Mac), right-click (Windows) and get rid of any shitty ads you so choose! Why there’s even filters so you’ll never see the offending ad content ever again. Take that! Classmates dot com! Take THAT! Smilie fucking Central!

Huzzah!

Note: If you’re having the same problem as me, be patient when first filtering these asshole banners, it’ll take a bit of finagling for the filter dialogue to come up.

“But nowadays I’m really cranky about comics. Because most of them are just really, really poorly written soft-core. And I miss good old storytelling. And you know what else I miss? Super powers. Why is it now that everybody’s like “I can reverse the polarity of your ions!” Like in one big flash everybody’s Doctor Strange. I like the guys that can stick to walls and change into sand and stuff. I don’t understand anything anymore. And all the girls are wearing nothing, and they all look like they have implants. Well, I sound like a very old man, and a cranky one, but it’s true.”
- Joss Whedon

“Daredevil…Ooh! I’m afraid of a bliiind super-heero…”
- Brainwarp

——

The world has turned into a juvenile, under-roo-wearing pants-pissing culture, worshipping pseudo-gods and big-boobed, spandex wearing mother figures.

Welcome to Hollywood - Superhero Cash-Grab Central.

In the history of film has there ever been more superhero films than in the last decade? It appears that every second film to be advertised on television is a Marvel comic adaptation.

Spiderman, Batman (5 in the last decade), Catwoman, Daredevil, The Hulk, The Punisher, X-Men, Hellboy, Blade and then there’s the up and coming The Flash, Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, Superman, blah blah blah…the list goes on…

There’s also cartoon parodies (“The Incredibles”), twelve different versions of a Batman cartoon on television, and everywhere I look, some obscure superhero I’ve never heard of (Elektra?? Who in fuck read Elektra??) comes crawling out of Stan Lee’s ass.

What is America’s fascination with these righters of wrong, these destroyers of the world’s ne’er do wells? I’m just going to say it - 9-11. The comic book “Captain America” arose from the need to have a larger than life figure fight and ultimately win all battles for the U.S. of A in the 40’s and I feel that the resurgence in superhero lore is a subconscious reaction to their current political climate. Oh yeah, and money.

As a comic artist myself, I really hate superheros. Okay, I read Spiderman and Batman as a child, but have found no interest in them as an adult. I’ve watched a lot of these superhero films, but they leave me dry and dissatisfied. The only ones I have truly enjoyed over the last two decades were “Hellboy” and “X-Men” (and I’ve never read either comic), and I’m looking forward to “Sin City” (haven’t read that either).

The reason for my outrage, on the superhero movie front, had to do with the article below from USA Today.

Not only does Hollywood have to rape and pillage the sublime art form of the comic book, but now these same geeks who were attached to superhero film projects (and not by the merit of their “geekiness” as some would have you think (Kevin Smith, Sam Raimi) - save that for agent-goaded sound bites, fellas!) are saying that “writing for comic books allows them to flex new creative muscles and become more familiar with story lines they may soon bring to the big screen”.

If this is true, then I ask you, why is Kevin Smith writing a comic book of “Clerks“? BoooOOOOO! HsssSSSSSH! Way to flex those creative writing muscles there, Kevin!

This dunderhead article goes on to name various other directors that have decided that their magical touch is needed in the realm of comics:

Kevin Smith (mentioned previously), Bryan Singer, Joss Whedon, David Goyer…

David Goyer is quoted as saying, “comic book writing is a lure for directors because it’s a throwback to old-time filmmaking.”

“You don’t have the big budgets and the special effects,” says Goyer, who adapted the comic book screenplays for both previous Blade films. “It’s more simplistic storytelling.”

It’s people like this, that give the art form of comics a bad name.

The article finally reveals it’s true nature (and the consistent nature of Hollywood and their idea-drained, mimicking ilk) by it’s closing;

“This high-profile moonlighting has a double payoff: Big-name directors bring more attention to comic books, and comic books can help sell upcoming films.

Installments of Ultimate Spider-Man comics, for instance, the story line revolves around Spidey’s anger at Hollywood for trying to make a movie about him.”

Really folks, I don’t have the words to describe just how sickening the above two paragraphs are. I’m speechless.

Ahhhh! The internet! Where a complete stranger can find an email address and just start harassing someone until legal action has to intervene. Where else could you find a story like the one below (unless you were Mel Gibson or Britney Spears)?

A while back I started gettting letters from a rabid fan of “Hilarious House of Frightenstein” and the guy is really starting to get on my nerves. Since I mentioned on the blog that I may know where to locate some of the master tapes of this Canadian “children’s” classic, he’s been pestering me to no end as to when I’ll have the 130 tapes in my possession. I’ve already told this nut that I cannot get my hands on these tapes without breaking the law, and that if I ever did get them he’d be the first to know, but he refuses give up!

I mean, it was fine in the beginning, but now this guy is starting to sound like a broken record! Here’s the persistent letters I continue to receive in my SPAM box every couple of weeks like clock-work…(note the feverish and extensive use of exclamation and question marks.)

——

November 26

Hello, Bucky!

Does ANYBODY on the face of this planet have ALL 130 episodes of Hilarious House Of Frightenstein? Apparently somebody does and I would love to know who and how I can get in contact with him or her? Any information would be greatly appreciated!!! You should feel so honoured to have met and had lunch with Mr. Van before he passed away! He truly in my mind is a Canadian Legend that was so original, he could never be replaced by any other comic today! Does your friend at his local television station still have access to all those 130 masters as you mentioned in your article? Were they REALLY destroyed? I have seen numerous bootleg copies of this show, but never a high grade quality one! Do ANY high grade quality ones still exist? Very curious to know if they do! Please email me any information if you know who, where and how I could attain the complete collection of this incredible show of 1971!!! Many Thanks & Seasons Greetings!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

My Response: (truncated)

I do in fact know someone who has access to the entire 130 copies of the show…

He could get into a lot of trouble getting the tapes shipped, so the wait has been going on for some time now. I don’t expect them very soon…

Thanks for your interest! If anything happens, you’ll hear about it on my blog.

——

Novemeber 27 (The next day!)

Hello, Buck!

Any word when you will be obtaining these 130 episodes of HHOF? Are you interested in a possible transaction with me for the complete set? Please contact me asap when you do get hold of the entire collection! Many Thanks & Seasons Greetings!!!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

My Response:

As I mentioned previously - this is something that may not happen for a long time as it is illegal. I understand your interest in these tapes, but I cannot guarantee anything will ever happen with them.

You may want to try contacting the people at www.frightenstein.com.
He has copies of some of the episodes I believe.

——

Novemeber 27 (Same day!)

Hello, Buck!

Did you hear back from that person who says they have access to all 130 episodes of HHOF? I thought the original masters were all destroyed? Please clarify this! Unless somebody made copies of the masters before they were destroyed? Who has them anyways? Showcase network? CHCH TV? YTV? Please clarify this for me! Any chance of getting them by the end of this year? Would like to make you a generous offer if you can obtain these complete master episodes! For my personal collection only! Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks & Seasons Greetings!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

December 15

Hello, Bucky!

Did you ever get that complete collection of all 130 episodes of HHOF from your buddy yet? Still await a response from you! I will make you a generous offer for the complete collection if you got it yet!!! Are they from the master tapes? Or copies from television stations like showcase channel or YTV? Please specify? Hope to hear from you soonest and maybe one day I can meet with you downtown in T.O. for a few beers and chat about your meeting with Mr. Billy Van, a Canadian Legend!!!! Have a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!! Cheers!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

And finally,

December 29

Hello, Bucky!

Did you ever hear back from your buddy with those 130 episodes of HHOF? I have located quite a few already!!! But would prefer copies from the original master tapes! Any help would be greatly appreciated to direct me to the person or persons who does have ALL 130 episodes of HHOF!!! Many Thanks & Happy New Year!!!
Regards,
[name withheld]

P.S. If possible could you ask your buddy to email me, so I can talk to him! Thanks! This is for my personal collection ONLY and I promise I will not make a dime off of them or trade them with anybody else! Please have your friend email me asap! Thank You!

——

I do not know what else to say as I’ve pretty much said it all in my email responses. If you’re reading this, [name withheld], stop emailing me about the fucking tapes. I’ve been patient up until now. I said I would contact you IF I ever got them and I meant what I said, Rupert. I mean, [name withheld].

Cheers!

Buck Satan :>

Ya know, I’ve been freaking out on this blog a lot lately, and honestly, I’d like to take a break from the hatred to talk about my friend, “Choco Boy”. I’m not just an acidic, crazed lunatic who flips out about everything that annoys me, no sir, when I’m feelin’ blue, my buddy Choco Boy has the power to lift me right outta ‘dem blues and into a bizarre and creepy landscape of cartoon Korean mushroom-heads who taste as sweet as lady fingers.

I don’t know much about the mystical landscape that Choco Boy hails from, but gosh darn it, I could give a shit. His chocolatey mushroom cap and crunchy torso are all I need to forget the cares of the work-a-day world.

I thought I’d try to find out more about this mysterious Choco Boy, but when I went and Googled “Choco Boy”, I was quite disturbed to find this:

(The “Choco Boy” site has since been destroyed - thank christ. Lucky I saved a screen cap, huh?!)

Now, who in HELL would mislead me in my Choco Boy delirium with this asinine garbage I ask you?! Good Christ! I’m just about to munch into another sweet, chocolatey, crunchy Choco Boy and I’m greeted with a couple of Choco Boys!

Suddenly, I don’t feel so calm anymore!

All I wanted was to just sit around, relax, forget about insane clients, idiotic movies and the fact that Billy Van is dead and then…thinking I’ve found Choco-Boy… I feel the mulched Korean candy drip from my gaping maw…bile soon following in a regurgitative rush!

BAH!! Fuck Choco Boy and fuck happiness! I’m angry again!!

Joeblogs Around the World:

You didn’t think that this was the only joeblog in existence did you? Taking a trip around Google has shown me that just because the name ‘Joe’ is completely average, the varied subject matter of joeblogs is another story:

The criteria I used to gather this ongoing compendium of “joe blogs” was by entering the phrase “joeblog” into the Google search engine. I tried “joe blog” but I got far too many “joe” related hits and far too many “blog” related……..zzzzzzzzzZZ…whatever. Read on.

joeblog
Community, culture and technology.
“http://joefriend.com/blog/”:http://joefriend.com/blog/
Mostly links, since the actual middle content of the site never seems to load. Gosh, I’m so impatient… Next!

joeblog
No amount of drivel too large or too small
“http://home.earthlink.net/~revjwalker/joeblog/”:http://home.earthlink.net/~revjwalker/joeblog/

Hmm. My first solid stop on the joeblog train yields a wee bit of a procrastinator’s blogsite.

joeblog
“http://deekoo.net/technocracy/vortex/nodes/joeblog.html”:http://deekoo.net/technocracy/vortex/nodes/joeblog.html

Second stop. Not much better, but somewhat of a humorous take on the blog. One open line that is editable by anyone with the accompanying phrase “This is not happening, I’m not here..” at the top of the page. Next!

joeblog
“http://www.blogg.org/blog-3039.html”:http://www.blogg.org/blog-3039.html
Tres Bizarre! Two entries in French.
According to the mangled Babelfish translation, this is one depressed and suicidal puppy. Someone call 911! (errr…I mean 112… )

Excerpt (BabelFish translation):

“With what celà is used it to entrust to a species of newspaper “not-close friend”. Perhaps is a this kind of therapy. In short, always it is that today as it is the same a dixaine for days in one year, I am completely depressed. I have the impression to be forgotten of everyone. To count near the others only when they need me. This morning, on the road of work, I wanted serious of suicide. I wanted to plant me in the ditch to finish some with this whore of life!“

InterTran gives us a much more direct translation after ramming the same two French paragraphs down it’s gullet:

“hopeless, nil, non-existent“.

Good Christ. Not a very robust outing this time. Ah well, I’m bored with this shit. I gotta go have a smoke and think about what to do for work tomorrow. I’ll pick this up again when I’ve got nothing better to do…

Jesus. I hope that French person is okay. I should check back on their blog and make sure another, more optimistic, entry in his “whore of a life” goes up.

Well gang, join us again soon for another look at “joeblogs” around the world!

Ta ta!!

Note: All external blog material “reviewed” in this article is copyright their respective owners. “Joeblog” isn’t responsible for the insane shit I’ve linked to from the rest of the internet populous.