
Yeppers, it’s time for another vent session of societal irritations brought on by the rest of the status quo. I’ve just got a real problem with stupidity. The human animal is the only creature on earth that does things for no good reason. Stupidity – even in myself – drives me to the point of distraction. Anyway, here’s today’s rant:
1. Dump Buddies
Nothing is more disgusting than walking into a public or office washroom while some other guy is stinkin’ up the place after a luncheon of greazy pub food or vegetarian health medley. This, in itself is tolerable, I suppose as I would never suggest for a second that one of our bodily functions is off-limits in the corporate environment. What does offend me to no end is when I am in there and some chucklehead decides to take a seat directly beside my stall to do his own thing. Look, when I need to take a dump and someone else is already in a two-man stall, the last thing I want to do is sit beside the guy and breathe in his waste. I’m turning heel and either finding another washroom in the building or going somewhere else entirely to take care of business.
2. “Trick” First Person Shooter Banner Ads
It’s quite mind boggling to me that there’s an office of graphic bozos sitting around cranking out these inane little one shot “trick” banners to lure brain-dead, illiterate morons to their little bauble scams. It almost triggers my gag reflex when I think of the pathetic methods that these “businessmen” are willing to stoop to to get some poor soul to purchase their junk. It’s basically a Flash banner with a “shooting gallery” animation on it. Be it ducks, floating Paris Hilton heads or plumbers, you must “try” and click on one of them – of course, the joke is on you, dear user, since anywhere you click on this aberration will take you to the advertised site regardless of your “skill”. P.T. Barnum is still alive and well online.
3. Devil’s Advocates
People who will disagree with you regardless of what their true opinion is. No matter what you ask this asshole, they will always find a way to turn it around to the opposite argument. They’d prefer to be contradictory by appointment of death before they’d agree with you. Ask a question along the lines of “Do you think the color of that dog is black?” and they’ll be quick to point out that the dog is “more of a muted grey and besides, black is, in reality, “absence of color”.
4. Cobweb Sites
Corporations with ill-conceived, pooorly managed websites that just sit there year after year because they neither have the time to fix them, or refuse to release budgets for. For example, a good percent of the North American population has been sucking at the media teat of www.rogers.com for the last 15 years. Just look at their excuse for a website! I went in to try and set up online billing and upgrade my mobile phone account and it was literally laughable (granted it was frustrated maniacal laughter, but still…). I was asked for my login information everytime I clicked on a service in the left menu, couldn’t figure out their insane navigation and almost burst a temple vein when I tried to retrieve a forgotten password. I finally had a nice chap in tech support do it for me. BooooOO, to this burned out crap-house of advertising. Ah nevermind guys… just slap another bumper sticker on the lemon, it’ll last another year or two!
[In fact, Rogers has since retrofitted their old site with a more glossy front-end, but don't let that fool you - you'll still hit old pages they were too lazy or incompetent to update every once and a while - the guts of the members' pages for example. And besides, I am no longer a customer. Huzzah!]
5. Jerks who Criticize Websites
You know what really burns my toast? Loudmouth yahoos who think that just because they have a computer or are “in the industry” they can go around criticizing other websites. Geez! It ain’t easy to put together these things you know. Well okay, installing this blog with Fantastico on cPanel was a breeze, but I’m talking about other websites that say, corporations or the average schmoe put together. The thing that gets me the most is when they actually email the company or person and try to tell them what they’re doing wrong! As if one person’s opinion is going to make or break a “by committee” machine already in motion. Jerks.
6. Truck Drivers
Shitheads that leave a two-ton dump truck idling outside while they wander off and do god knows what. This usually occurs anywhere from 5-7AM while you’re in the midst of getting those last couple of hours in before dragging your ass into work. Given the gas prices these days this kind of behavior is outrageous, not to mention the pollution belching out of the back of these tanks. I like to go down and stand by the back of the rig and have a smooth, relaxing menthol while I wait for the bonehead driver to return, then quietly ask him why he’s disturbed me so.
7. City Somnambulists
Whether you’re in the midst of a good stride in the bowels of the subway or shopping in your favorite department store, you’ll recognize these zoned-out bubble-heads. You can’t miss them. They’re right in your face. (Well, the back of their heads are anyway.) The metaphorical gist of Romero’s zombie films slams itself across the back of your neck like the Manhattan phone directory when confronted with the shuffling, indecision of these sleepwalking bozos. Once you’re caught behind these drooling, dull-eyed meat sacks, your stride slackens. No matter where you turn, they block your way! Now, you too, are one of the WALKING DEAD! Uhhhhhhggnnn!
8. Beach Flip-Flops
I have a real issue with flip flops, sandals or any other flat, slip-on footwear. Actually, let me amend that. I have a problem with this type of footwear on the concrete streets of the city! I also can’t stomach Birkenstocks and those cheap, ugly-ass, velcro-strap sandals that I see every flat-top, child-towing, hockey-fan, bumper-sticker slappin’ cement-head wearing around town. Bargain-bin crap from your local Zellers. Good god, what compels people to purchase and where these gaudy pontoons? No matter, every last pair should be rounded up and shot into space.
9. Companies that ask you if you want to make it easier on yourself by providing them with your bank account information for direct withdrawal.
Yeah. Right.
10. Trendy Restaurants
Trendy Frou Frou diners or restaurants who muck with simple dishes. For example, something as time honored and simple as chicken noodle soup. Noodles and chicken base is just fine – why the need to add in onions, celery, cilantro and a myriad of other needless spices and veggies? Once they’ve destroyed a time-honored classic, they can then charge you $8.50 for it. Foolish.
Well, that’s it for today folks. Thanks for reading. Don’t like my wingeing? No problem, just post a comment so I can review your inane opinion and delete it.