joeblog

John Wilson: I would like to tell you a little story.
Mrs. MacGregor: Oh, I love stories.
John Wilson: Well, you mustn’t interrupt now, because you’re way too beautiful to interrupt people. When I was in London in the early 40′s, I was dining one evening at the Savoy with a rather select group of people, and sitting next to me was a very beautiful lady, much like yourself.
Mrs. MacGregor: Now you’re pulling my leg.
John Wilson: Now, just listen, dear. Well, we were dining and the bombs were falling, and we were all talking about Hitler and comparing him with Napoleon, and we were all being really brilliant. And then, suddenly, this beautiful lady, she spoke up and said that was the thing she didn’t mind about Hitler, was the way he was treating the Jews. Well, we all started arguing with her, of course. Though, mind you, no one at the table was Jewish. But she persisted. Are you listening, honey?
Mrs. MacGregor: Mustn’t interrupt Daddy.
John Wilson: That’s right. You’re way too beautiful for that. Anyway, she went on to say that that’s how she felt about it, that if she had her way, she would kill them all, burn them in ovens, like Hitler. Well, we all sat there in silence. Then finally, I leaned over to her and I said, “Madam, I have dined with some of the ugliest goddamn bitches in my time. And I have dined with some of the goddamndest ugly bitches in this world. But you, my dear, are the ugliest bitch of them all.” Well, anyway, she got up to leave and she tripped over a chair and fell on the floor. And we all just sat there. No one raised a hand to help her. And finally when she picked herself up I said to her one more time: “You, my dear, are the ugliest goddamn bitch I have ever dined with.” Well, you know what happened? The very next day, she reported me to the American Embassy. And they brought me in for reprimand. And then when they investigated it, they found out she was a German agent. And they locked her up.
[smiles]
John Wilson: Isn’t that amazing?
Mrs. MacGregor: Why did you tell me that story?
John Wilson: Oh, I don’t know. It wasn’t because I thought you were a German agent, honey. But I was tempted tonight to say the very same thing to you. I didn’t want you to think I had never said it before. You, madam, are the – Well, you know the rest.

• Maniac DVD Elite Version Review
• Maniac DVD Anchor Bay Version

Ya know, the Japanese are one weird bunch, I have to say. With their hardcore bondage fetishes, bukkake and horror films it seems like anything goes over there, which is fine with me. I found this little “gem” while searching on Snopes for a rumor about iodine and Tim Horton’s coffee, under the “snuff” category. (Don’t ask..) Anyway, without further ado, and a strong warning about hitting this site after you’ve downed that juicy hamburger for lunch, I present: “Guinea Pig Films!”

[seriously, folks... not for the squeamish.]

I watch porn. Any guy that says he doesn’t is either blind, Christian or [if you'll pardon the expression] pussy-whipped.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way…

The above photo is of some ubiquitous stunt-cock asshole that is, in my humble opinion, the new Ron Jeremy.

This is not a compliment.

As Al Goldstein once said, “Ron Jeremy would never have gotten laid if producers had not paid women to have sex with him.” and (paraphrasing) “If I see Ron Jeremy come on another woman’s stomach, I’ll have a contract taken out to have him killed.”

That’s pretty much my sentiments regarding the above, meth-addled, hair-pie-faced, pseudo-biker-looking motherfucker.

Don’t agree? Without going into graphic detail, just imagine this fur-bearing, balding, bug-eyed rodent’s face the next time you have sex with your girlfriend or wife.

Get the picture?

‘Nuff said.

Well, I just saw the theatre trailer for “Serenity”:http://www.serenitymovie.com/ – the film based on the “cult” television series by Joss “Everytime I make something cool, tee vee executives stomp all over it” Whedon. It played before “Batman Begins” (which, considering I thought it would be a complete piece of shit, was really quite exciting.) The Serenity trailer, here in Toronto, is exactly the same as the online version, although seeing it on the big screen was nice. The only complaint I had is that the boobs at the theatre had the volume hella-low. Oh well.

Serenity is coming out in September. I won’t be standing in line like some Star Wars geek, but you can bet I am not missing a flick I feel will be better than any of the other science-fiction offerings over the last decade.

This movie. Will. Kick. Ass.