joeblog

Gjuddy has a dilema. His cat “Earl” has gotten out of the house and the neighbours turned the poor bugger over to the pound after he was mutilating their flowers or some shit. Gjuddy went down and fetched him out and is now having second thoughts about it, as he has to keep Earl inside now. Letting him out again would mean a repeat trip to the pound at the hands of his community. I now bring you installment two of “My Breakfast with Gjuddy“, “Earl the Cat“.

GjuddyMcMudd [10:10 AM]:
oh man…my cat just took a big dump in his litter box and i’m gagging down here
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
that cat has got to go
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
geeeez
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:11 AM]:
Sweet
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
I can’t work under these conditions
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:11 AM]:
Why don’t you move the litterbox? Call me crazy…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
mmm, ya…maybe I’ll put it in my bedroom
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
There ya go…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
loo
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
It IS Sue’s cat…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
hahahaha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
brooootal
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
stinky sick beast
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
hhahahahaha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
I think this is the week…time for Earl to sleep the long, final sleep.
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Just because he shits? You fucking barbarian…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
not just that….there’s a whole host of reasons
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Heartless bastard!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
hosat eh?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
the vet says it’s very humane
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Heartless scum!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
over in seconds
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:14 AM]:
Why don’t you bring him over here and we’ll videotape me smashing the poor bastard’s skull with a louisville?
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:14 AM]:
You sick creep!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:14 AM]:
now that’s sick
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
Just take him for a ride and let him fend for himself.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
naw, he’d find his way home
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
of course it would be cheaper
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
What’s it cost to stick him with a needle sicko?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
around 130 bucks
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
Heart of stone…. heart of stone I say…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
well, it’s not an easy decision
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
but he’s miserable
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:16 AM]:
Why don’t you just sew his asshole up?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
whining all the time
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:16 AM]:
That way there’s no dump and you can keep him.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
he want’s out and he can’t go out
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
I think if given the choice, he’d choose death over spending the rest of his life indoors
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
Well keep letting him out until your asshole neighbors send him over to the pound again and then just make the call. Easzy peazy….
GjuddyMcMudd [10:17 AM]:
lemon squeezy
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
That way he gets to go out until those fucks make the decision for ya.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:17 AM]:
ya. just don’t pick him up from the pound
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
And you don’t smell dumps. Everyone wins!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
hahahha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:18 AM]:
broootal dumps
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:18 AM]:
You beast!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:18 AM]:
You’re as bad as Vlad the Impaler!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:18 AM]:
ah huh
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:19 AM]:
I’m gonna do a painting of you with cats impaled on spikes…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:19 AM]:
Eating your dinner.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:19 AM]:
the cats are eating my dinner
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:20 AM]:
And dumping it out on ya.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:20 AM]:
that’s what it smells like down here…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:20 AM]:
Good enough reason to destroy a loving family pet in my books.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:21 AM]:
and he doesn’t even cover it up…just leaves the big stinky steaming pile perched atop his litter for maximum stench coverage
GjuddyMcMudd [10:21 AM]:
he’s doing it on purpose
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:22 AM]:
What a predicament…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:24 AM]:
I know…my life seems very complicated at the moment
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:25 AM]:
Well – just the cat story alone is more stress than needed.. haha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:25 AM]:
all of a sudden, i feel very tired
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:27 AM]:
The dump is making you dizzy.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:27 AM]:
I feel like I’m sitting in a big workboot
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:28 AM]:
With stinky, scratchy socks.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:28 AM]:
big brown dogs
GjuddyMcMudd [10:28 AM]:
big stretchy, completely non-absorbant brown dogs
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:28 AM]:
So the sweat just leaks out of them….
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
and pools in the bottom
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
of the boot
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
It’s like a puddle where ever he walks…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
hahahah
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
SICK
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
alright, enough of that
GjuddyMcMudd [10:31 AM]:
just gave the whole basement a good lysolling
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:33 AM]:
Yum
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:34 AM]:
Lysol and catshit always mix into a lovely pot pourri.

I have a lot of conversations with my friend “Gjuddy” over MSN and ICQ and sometimes I just like to keep them around to read over and chuckle over them like some gleeful idiot later on.

They usually tend to happen early in the morning before I’ve had my coffee and squares, so it’s anybody’s guess as to what my mood could be like. More often than not, my mood tends to run foul and dangerous, but Gjuddy is a good sport and usually takes my horrendous disposition with a grain of salt. Here’s the first installment:

Gjuddy McMudd (11:09:57 AM):
haha…some loser has already been taken away from the Stones concert site due to intoxication

BuCkSaTaN>:) (11:10:17 AM):
And it hasn’t even started.
BuCkSaTaN>:) (11:10:27 AM):
Like that idiot would have lasted the entire concert…
Gjuddy McMudd (11:10:28 AM):
haha
Gjuddy McMudd (11:10:46 AM):
my neighbour gave me some tickets if ya want to go
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:11:33 AM):
Ahhhh no thanks. Stuck in a field with 500,000 drunken bums? I think not.
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:11:42 AM):
GAVE EH?
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:11:45 AM):
I doubt it
Gjuddy McMudd (11:11:56 AM):
ya, gave
Gjuddy McMudd (11:12:20 AM):
he stuck them to his door before he left for work and called me to tell me they were there
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:12:33 AM):
Yeah right.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:12:39 AM):
why would you doubt that
Gjuddy McMudd (11:13:01 AM):
you think i’d buy them…and then not go
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:13:08 AM):
The note also said – go into my fridge there’s lots of beers – and my wife is upstairs naked on the bed.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:13:23 AM):
ohhhh…she’s got rather large breasts as well
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:14:02 AM):
ooooh boyyyy
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:14:46 AM):
This is lamer than your Miss Nude Black Pagent joke…
Gjuddy McMudd (11:15:23 AM):
I’m not kidding
Gjuddy McMudd (11:15:25 AM):
loo
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:02 AM):
Why would someone just GIVE you Stones tickets?
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:09 AM):
It doesn’t make sense!
Gjuddy McMudd (11:16:19 AM):
yes and he probably got them from work and doesn’t want to..or can’t go
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:32 AM):
Hi – I have some tickets. I’d rather go to work than the Stones so I’ll paste them to my door for my neightbour.
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:33 AM):
GAY!
Gjuddy McMudd (11:16:45 AM):
hoo boy
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:46 AM):
hahahaha
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:16:50 AM):
So are you going?
Gjuddy McMudd (11:16:55 AM):
ok, yer right…it’s all a big joke
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:17:12 AM):
Are you going?
Gjuddy McMudd (11:17:13 AM):
going…how can i go without any tickets
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:18:10 AM):
Maybe he was hoping that someone would STEAL them from his door before you got there – or blow away because he hates the Stones so much.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:18:57 AM):
or he’s working
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:19:01 AM):
So what are you going to do with these…tickets (wink wink) anyway?
Gjuddy McMudd (11:19:17 AM):
as far as i know they’re still taped to his door
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:19:36 AM):
Wow!
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:19:39 AM):
Really??
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:19:46 AM):
Come on….
Gjuddy McMudd (11:19:50 AM):
ya
Gjuddy McMudd (11:19:54 AM):
lemme check
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:19:55 AM):
Someone could just walk up and steal them!!
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:20:07 AM):
Then go to the Stones! You better get them!!
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:20:43 AM):
No offense, but is your neighbour HALF RETARDED?
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:21:28 AM):
Are you living in such a nice neighborhood that someone can leave Stones tickets just “taped” to a door for all to see?
Gjuddy McMudd (11:21:53 AM):
yep, they’re still there
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:21:57 AM):
I mean, your stereo got lifted from your car… and this guy leaves STONES TICKETS taped to his door??!
Gjuddy McMudd (11:22:13 AM):
they’re only 20 bucks to buy them
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:22:20 AM):
This is all some crazy joke to get me riled up at the actions of suburbanites…
Gjuddy McMudd (11:22:25 AM):
hahaa
Gjuddy McMudd (11:22:29 AM):
I knid you nit
Gjuddy McMudd (11:22:36 AM):
nice…I kid you not
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:22:45 AM):
Yeah I guess. I throw 40 bucks out my window everyday. In fact, I tape it to my door to see if anyone will take it.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:22:59 AM):
he probably got them from work
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:23:03 AM):
I knid you nit…hahaha
Gjuddy McMudd (11:23:06 AM):
he works at the Toyota plant
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:23:22 AM):
And that’s supposed to make up for a stunt like this?
Gjuddy McMudd (11:23:25 AM):
man, it’a already packed
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:23:36 AM):
I know. They’re basically useless now.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:23:43 AM):
there ya go
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:24:13 AM):
He should have just thrown 40 dollars out the window – or better yet, tossed it in the glove box of one of the cars on the line. …You know this guy I imagine then…
Gjuddy McMudd (11:25:25 AM):
ya, he lives right next door
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:26:01 AM):
Who cares about the Stones. I have a bad feeling about this – like the Altamont of the thousands. You don’t stick half a million in a concert and expect happy times man.
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:26:23 AM):
Fuck that. Whoever goes to that thing is a big loser in my books.
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:26:25 AM):
hahaha
Gjuddy McMudd (11:26:44 AM):
haha
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:26:50 AM):
A bunch of bikers are gonna shoot some guy through the eye. You watch pally.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:26:59 AM):
through the eye
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:27:08 AM):
And then SARS will be forgotten all right…
Gjuddy McMudd (11:27:37 AM):
I think it would be cool to live beside the venue…sit out in your backyard and watch the show
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:27:52 AM):
Sacrifice ONE for the MANY! That was the goal all along – they need a sacrificial lamb!
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:28:06 AM):
Yeah – that’d be ok – but noisy.
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:29:48 AM):
But at this thing – fuck, if they’re dragging drunken losers away now – just think what the rednecks and mulletheads will be pulling by showtime.
Gjuddy McMudd (11:30:10 AM):
and there’s like…fifty beer tents
Gjuddy McMudd (11:30:40 AM):
boob….
BuCkSaTaN>:)(11:30:41 AM):
Rolling around in pigshit, pukin’ on their fellow man, fights, stupidity… ohhh yeahhh I am so there. Get those tix and let’s split DUDE!
Gjuddy McMudd (11:31:33 AM):
ya

GjuddyMcMudd (10:17:46 PM): bah
ICQ (10:17:50 PM): GjuddyMcMudd has logged off
ICQ (10:17:58 PM): GjuddyMcMudd has logged on
ICQ (10:18:04 PM): GjuddyMcMudd has logged off
BuCkSaTaN (10:28:13 PM): haha
bah
BuCkSaTaN (10:48:22 PM): Where’d ya go network-boy?
BuCkSaTaN (10:48:35 PM): Three hour tourrr…. a three hour tourrrrrrr….
BuCkSaTaN (10:48:49 PM): The weather started getting rough!
BuCkSaTaN (10:49:06 PM): The tiny ship was tossed…
BuCkSaTaN (10:49:17 PM): If not for the courage of the fearless crew…
BuCkSaTaN (10:50:29 PM): The Minnow would be LOST!
BuCkSaTaN (10:50:38 PM): The Minnow would be looossst!

BuCkSaTaN (10:51:37 PM): A threee hour tourrr….
BuCkSaTaN (10:51:41 PM): A three hour tour…

BuCkSaTaN (10:54:44 PM): The ship aground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle…
BuCkSaTaN (10:55:22 PM): with Gilligaaaaaan…
BuCkSaTaN (10:55:26 PM): The Skipper tooooo
BuCkSaTaN (10:55:34 PM): The Millionaiiiiirrrre…
BuCkSaTaN (10:55:40 PM): and his wiiiiiife…
BuCkSaTaN (10:55:59 PM): A MOVIEEEE STAR…..
BuCkSaTaN (10:56:03 PM): AND THE REST!
BuCkSaTaN (10:56:21 PM): are here on Gilligaaaaaan’s Iiiiiiiiiisle!
BuCkSaTaN (11:00:31 PM): So this is the tale of our castaways….
BuCkSaTaN (11:00:52 PM): they’re here for a long long time.
BuCkSaTaN (11:01:03 PM): They’ll have to make the best of things….
BuCkSaTaN (11:01:11 PM): it’s an uphill climb….
BuCkSaTaN (11:01:22 PM): The first mate and his Skipper toooOOOO
BuCkSaTaN (11:01:32 PM): Will do their very best!
BuCkSaTaN (11:01:54 PM): to give Ginger a Double Penetraaaaation!
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:02 PM): in their tropic island nest.
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:14 PM): NO PHONE!
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:18 PM): No lights!
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:24 PM): NOT A FUCKIN LUXURY!!
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:34 PM): They’re like a bunch of loserrrrrrs!
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:45 PM): …it’s primitive as can beEEEE
BuCkSaTaN (11:02:54 PM): So join us here each week my friends….
BuCkSaTaN (11:03:08 PM): you’re sure to get a gaping anal!
BuCkSaTaN (11:03:15 PM): from seven stranded castaways
BuCkSaTaN (11:03:24 PM): here on Gilligan’s IIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiSLE!

BuCkSaTaN (11:03:39 PM): Thank you! Thank you! You’ve all been fabulous!