joeblog

Steve Ballmer

I had no idea that this jackass was the CEO of Microsoft.
Can you imagine working for this spasmodic used-car salesman?

Monkey Boy • Best of Ballmer • WTF

Quitting Unexpectedly. Is there any other way?

Neo Office, a decent replacement on Macs for the mega-bloatware that is MS Office for OS X, just decided to up and quit unexpectedly over and over. No new installations, all upgraded and completely useless now.

It's this kind of surreal "advertising" that will become art one day...hopefully after I am long dead.

I have a sick fascination with spam. The utter idiocy of it is, to me, mind boggling. I don’t understand what knucklehead would open and click on the links or why it still, consistently, arrives day after day in my email Inbox. However, every once and a while, I am morbidly curious as to what is behind some of the absolutely surreal and disconnected subject lines that head my junk-mail… (as evidenced by my random spam subject line generator in the right column of this blog). This one I had to post. Absorb it, sing it, go to some Bohemian coffee house and read it as scat. Enjoy one of the interweb’s most useless pieces of data.

Fixing Plumbing

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You didn’t think this was going to be a sporadic entry, did you?
This time around, when I merely quit Photoshop or Illustrator after a bit of work, this dialog consistently appears.

How about, "Don't crash. No need to send this dialog to Adobe."

In an effort to find out what happened in part one of “Bug Terror!“, I clicked on the “help” section in the menu of the same Adobe product.

Anybody for a frustration sandwich? Stay tuned!

Well, as we all know, hardly anything goes smoothly in the land of computers. It’s been said many times, that if cars, televisions or other ubiquitous electronics in daily life worked as haphazardly as the soul-sucking personal computer, we’d be in ruins or jumping off a cliff… So, just for my own amusement – or rather, so I don’t grab the nearest blunt object and start smashing this device to bits, I’ve decided to keep track of all the bugs, crashes and various other random fuck-ups on my Mac. Enjoy! Or not.

Trying to encode a run-of-the-mill Quicktime with Adobe's "media encoder". This was the fascinating result.

What the video is supposed to look like:

Grrr... scary pixels I will eat your brains!

11:30:06 AM Gary: I think it’s gonna be a grease burger day!
11:30:13 AM BuCkSaTaN: Hey! Me too!
11:30:23 AM Gary: some nice cheddar cheese
11:30:34 AM Gary: side of poutine?
11:35:54 AM BuCkSaTaN: Nah, I have free McDonalds coupons and I’m gonna cash em ALL in…
11:39:20 AM Gary: oh no
11:39:42 AM BuCkSaTaN: I don’t care what you say… I have Big Mac craving.
11:39:43 AM Gary: mcd’s gives me mud butt next day
11:39:56 AM BuCkSaTaN: sick
11:40:02 AM Gary: I get the serious McShits
11:40:17 AM BuCkSaTaN: Perhaps you should see a doctor about that.
11:40:32 AM Gary: it’s mcd’s that does it hahaha
11:40:45 AM BuCkSaTaN: mmmm… no, no I think not. I think you should see someone. Seriously.
11:40:45 AM Gary: my body doesn’t digest it very well
11:41:12 AM Gary: I mentioned it to my naturopath and she said stop eating mcd’s hahaha
11:41:22 AM BuCkSaTaN: naturopath… hahahahaha
11:41:28 AM Gary: hehe
11:41:49 AM BuCkSaTaN: Of course she’d say that… but of course she’d also say, eat a bunch of grass and rocks too.
11:42:13 AM BuCkSaTaN: Here Gary, drink this delicious mixture of wheat-grass with bug bile.
11:42:22 AM Gary: Next time you’re in a forest, give a tree a hug then eat all the shit around your feet?
11:42:41 AM BuCkSaTaN: Don’t forget to sprinkle a little oat-germ on it.
11:43:03 AM Gary: wheatgrass is tastey tho
11:43:07 AM BuCkSaTaN: I’ll take the big mac thanks.
11:43:10 AM Gary: haha
11:43:10 AM BuCkSaTaN: You only live once.
11:43:15 AM Gary: true
11:43:37 AM Gary: and i wanna leave a rotted intestined corpse
11:43:39 AM BuCkSaTaN: And you can have a nice healthy handful of carib with tofu-vomit on it for dessert.
11:43:51 AM Gary: SWEET
11:44:03 AM Gary: now i’m feeling sick
11:44:12 AM Gary: i’d love a big mac
11:44:15 AM Gary: double big mac
11:44:21 AM Gary: with extra mac sauce
11:44:28 AM BuCkSaTaN: Thaaaat’s right, abstain from everything so you die with a nice healthy corpse. What a waste of life’s enjoyments.
11:44:59 AM BuCkSaTaN: Christ… it’s like, hoard all the money you can and leave it to someone else.
11:45:08 AM BuCkSaTaN: Why not just give it away in this life? Save yourself the trouble…
11:45:18 AM Gary: I love the line …. He died suddenly. He jogged everyday and died suddenly.
11:45:28 AM BuCkSaTaN: Oh I can’t spend… no no no… I need to make sure everyone else can enjoy the fruits of my labor.
11:45:37 AM Gary: yeah true…
11:45:55 AM BuCkSaTaN: There are no guarantees in life except death and taxes.
11:45:56 AM Gary: that’s it…
11:46:04 AM Gary: i’m gonna get me some crack tonight hahahaha
11:46:08 AM BuCkSaTaN: hahahaha
11:46:17 AM BuCkSaTaN: With a heroin chaser!
11:46:18 AM Gary: sheesh
11:46:30 AM Gary: need some hookers too!
11:46:31 AM BuCkSaTaN: Well let’s not get crazy now…
11:46:52 AM Gary: haha
11:47:01 AM BuCkSaTaN: I mean, enjoy within reason… but how the fuck am I going to enjoy life with all my money locked away in the bank and chewing on a celery stick?
11:47:15 AM Gary: you’re not
11:47:28 AM BuCkSaTaN: mmmm… lima beans. That’s livin!
11:47:37 AM Gary: HAHA