Just what in fuck happened to my beloved Jazz station? It used to be virtually commercial-free, with reserved announcers that calmly introduced music from jazz greats and quietly let you know a commercial break was coming. Other than the quarterly PBS type fund drive, it was the perfect radio station. Now, when I wake up to it (set as my alarm) it’s become some clownish “Morning Zoo” style bullshit with Ralph Benmergui and his illiterate cronies. I mean seriously, are the money drives going that poorly?

I prefer to wake up to Jazz, rather than two schmucks wisecracking at top volume over inanities like what they had for dinner, armchair movie reviews or what they think of the war in Iraq. This is severely disappointing. As if radio isn’t set to self-destruct regardless, without this spin on an otherwise respected and solid station, we’ve got an attempt to raise viewership by putting a couple of unfunny blowhards at the mic for “entertainment” purposes.

The BBC news segment is just as pathetic as the Iraq situation is; pummelled into my sleep encrusted brain morning after morning. Is there absolutely nothing else worth reporting in the entire world other than who was blown to smithereens today? Seriously, I hate to sound like a pinko, but I don’t give a shit what happens over there. I. Really. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. (I’ll leave it at that, considering any more opinionated garble from me and this simple rant will become political all of a sudden.)

Okay. Yes, I hear you and you’re right. I’ll just switch it over to CBC for my wake up call, or better yet, the annoying blare of the internal clock alarm, shocking me into consciousness, instead. A far cry and most likely more soothing than Benmergui’s cretinous voice of idiocy.

(steps quietly off soapbox, the sound of footfalls echo in the distance)

The idiocy of some people online never ceases to amaze me…
I received this email (verbatim) the other day from some illiterate chucklehead:
——————————————–
Subject: you site dont’ work

Forward this to the proper people..your site is not workin!!
——————————————–

Hmm. Why I think I’ll get right on that.

(5:46:55 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: [URL for client website]
(5:46:58 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: got a sec?
(5:47:06 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: check out that link…
(5:47:09 PM) BuCkSaTaN: ok
(5:47:29 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: I need a neat and nifty transition to go from one section to another.
(5:48:20 PM) BuCkSaTaN: You didn’t do this did you?
(5:48:30 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: no
(5:48:50 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: but I’m redoing it
(5:49:08 PM) BuCkSaTaN: ok – so what did you want me to see – how brutal the old one is?
(5:49:21 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: well ya…but no…
(5:49:28 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: aw ferget it
(5:49:32 PM) BuCkSaTaN: well???
(5:49:36 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: loo
(5:49:45 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Lemme look again. I didn’t know this was a MYSTERY LINK!
(5:49:47 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: I need some transition ideas.
(5:50:02 PM) BuCkSaTaN: WHAAAAT!!
(5:50:05 PM) BuCkSaTaN: I’m at work! I got shit to do!
(5:50:11 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: to go from section to section…
(5:50:23 PM) BuCkSaTaN: How about a big star transition like the old 80′s video toasters!
(5:50:24 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: u’re off in 10 minutes aren’t you?
(5:50:34 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Every minute counts around here man!
(5:51:12 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Did you get my transition idea?
(5:51:25 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: I revert back to my loo statement.
(5:51:43 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Transition ideas… what in hell does that even mean?
(5:51:45 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Fade?
(5:51:48 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Wipe!
(5:52:00 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: ferget it I said!
(5:52:12 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Have a big giant ass come out of the side of the screen and fart the letters onto the webpage!
(5:52:41 PM) BuCkSaTaN: poot! “F”… poot! “A”…
(5:52:44 PM) BuCkSaTaN: You get the idea…
(5:53:17 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: ya, i get it…
(5:53:19 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: a big ass.
(5:53:44 PM) BuCkSaTaN: A BIG GIANT PIMPLY ASS!!
(5:54:10 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: I was thinking of some sort of a [client concept omitted]…
(5:54:26 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Well… that beats my suggestion…
(5:54:31 PM) BuCkSaTaN: What do you need me for then?!

(1:23:39 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: man, I am dropping bombs today like nobody’s business
(1:23:54 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: must have been all that stonehammer pilsner I had last night
(1:24:04 PM) BuCkSaTaN: NICE
(1:24:10 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: maybe this big plate of pizza lasagna will fix me up
(1:24:21 PM) BuCkSaTaN: I highly doubt it, though thanks for sharing… sick.
(1:24:26 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: ya never know
(1:24:41 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Oh yeah that’s true – a big plate of CHEESE should do the trick.
(1:24:53 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: and pepperoni
(1:25:11 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Yeah! Good stuff to suppress gas.
(1:25:18 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: haha
(1:25:37 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: who said I wanted to suppress it
(1:25:51 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: I figure this will fire it up even more
(1:25:52 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Why don’t you throw a couple of banana peppers on top of it and roll it all up in cabbage topped with beans?
(1:26:11 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: better out then in i always say
(1:26:21 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Better not at all, I always say.
(1:26:40 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: you’d explode by the time you hit 30
(1:27:20 PM) BuCkSaTaN: That’s why we have bowel movements.

(2:52:11 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Karl Hungus speaks!
(2:55:45 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: oh…suppers Ready….I was listeneing to that
(2:55:48 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: long tune
(2:55:52 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: 22 minutes
(2:55:54 PM) BuCkSaTaN:HOLY!
(2:55:57 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Think much?!
(2:56:05 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: well!
(2:56:06 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Is it really 22 mins? Who sings that travesty?
(2:56:13 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: half the time I don’t know what yer on about anyway…
(2:56:19 PM) BuCkSaTaN: blah
(2:56:21 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: Genesis
(2:56:24 PM) BuCkSaTaN: gay
(2:56:28 PM) gjuddy mcmudd: ah huh
(2:56:32 PM) BuCkSaTaN: gotta smoke – brb
(3:08:09 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Hi, my name is Gjuddy. I have a hangover. It hurts my melon.
(3:36:44 PM) BuCkSaTaN: I haven’t had a hangover in a while now – thank christ.
(3:36:51 PM) BuCkSaTaN: He said as he TALKED TO HIMSELF!
(3:36:55 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Are you at the store?
(3:40:20 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Quicktime sure has come a long way.
(3:40:23 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Eh Buck?
(3:40:45 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Yep – it sure has Buck. It’s really quite cool for fast hack and slash and exporting for internet use.
(3:40:48 PM) BuCkSaTaN: I agree Buck…
(3:42:07 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Hey Buck, did you know that they actually used the opening of Jigsaw’s “Sky High” for the ABC World Wide Sports opening theme in the 70s?
(3:42:10 PM) BuCkSaTaN: No way!
(3:42:13 PM) BuCkSaTaN: That’s right Buck.
(3:44:09 PM) BuCkSaTaN: Actually, now that I think of it, I’m not too sure about that…
(3:44:12 PM) BuCkSaTaN: What a loo!