Ad link from Craigslist:

“Flash designer with style HELP ME PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !”

The inside of the ad is even better:

Don’t waste my time with “my rate is 50hr”, I don’t care. Show me talent, honesty, and integrity and then I’ll show you the money.

You can just smell the stink rising off this gig from a mile away…

I don’t own a Windows box, nor do I use any “popular” messenger, so I can’t really say what goes on with the blinking, whizzing ads and consistent harassment from porn scum over ICQ. This hilarious transcript, of just such an instance, amazes me with the absolute greed under which these assholes operate.

Also, anyone using or LOL should have urine thrown on them.

And while we’re at it: I almost choked to death laughing at this one.
[both articles from Something Awful]

John Wilson: I would like to tell you a little story.
Mrs. MacGregor: Oh, I love stories.
John Wilson: Well, you mustn’t interrupt now, because you’re way too beautiful to interrupt people. When I was in London in the early 40′s, I was dining one evening at the Savoy with a rather select group of people, and sitting next to me was a very beautiful lady, much like yourself.
Mrs. MacGregor: Now you’re pulling my leg.
John Wilson: Now, just listen, dear. Well, we were dining and the bombs were falling, and we were all talking about Hitler and comparing him with Napoleon, and we were all being really brilliant. And then, suddenly, this beautiful lady, she spoke up and said that was the thing she didn’t mind about Hitler, was the way he was treating the Jews. Well, we all started arguing with her, of course. Though, mind you, no one at the table was Jewish. But she persisted. Are you listening, honey?
Mrs. MacGregor: Mustn’t interrupt Daddy.
John Wilson: That’s right. You’re way too beautiful for that. Anyway, she went on to say that that’s how she felt about it, that if she had her way, she would kill them all, burn them in ovens, like Hitler. Well, we all sat there in silence. Then finally, I leaned over to her and I said, “Madam, I have dined with some of the ugliest goddamn bitches in my time. And I have dined with some of the goddamndest ugly bitches in this world. But you, my dear, are the ugliest bitch of them all.” Well, anyway, she got up to leave and she tripped over a chair and fell on the floor. And we all just sat there. No one raised a hand to help her. And finally when she picked herself up I said to her one more time: “You, my dear, are the ugliest goddamn bitch I have ever dined with.” Well, you know what happened? The very next day, she reported me to the American Embassy. And they brought me in for reprimand. And then when they investigated it, they found out she was a German agent. And they locked her up.
[smiles]
John Wilson: Isn’t that amazing?
Mrs. MacGregor: Why did you tell me that story?
John Wilson: Oh, I don’t know. It wasn’t because I thought you were a German agent, honey. But I was tempted tonight to say the very same thing to you. I didn’t want you to think I had never said it before. You, madam, are the – Well, you know the rest.

(11:26:08 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: did you hear about this?
(11:26:10 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: crazy
(11:26:27 AM) BuCkSaTaN: oh yeahhh – [Name omitted] told me about this – he worked on the commercials.. brooootal!
(11:26:35 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: …and poor Keith’s is bearing the brunt of it…sales are down apparently.
(11:26:49 AM) BuCkSaTaN: I still drink it…
(11:27:07 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: well ya…how were they supposed to know…the guy was good…
(11:27:28 AM) BuCkSaTaN: Exactly… stupid.
(11:28:16 AM) BuCkSaTaN: People are fucked. This guy was also charged a while back:
(11:30:09 AM) BuCkSaTaN: Like what the fuck?
(11:30:36 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: oh ya
(11:30:41 AM) BuCkSaTaN: “Some of those images involve children as young as 12 months old engaged in sexual activity, police allege.”
(11:30:43 AM) BuCkSaTaN: COME ON!
(11:30:46 AM) BuCkSaTaN: GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
(11:30:48 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: he’s still on “Deadwood” though…
(11:30:59 AM) BuCkSaTaN: 12 months….. AS IF
(11:31:03 AM) BuCkSaTaN: holy christ….
(11:31:20 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: with a wife and kiddies
(11:31:38 AM) BuCkSaTaN: And they ditch the guy before he’s even convicted… nice fuckin’ society.
(11:32:00 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: from a company standpoint…it’s a killer.
(11:32:23 AM) BuCkSaTaN: Like what – anyone drinking a fuckin Keith’s is a molester? What kind of asinine thinking is that??
(11:32:33 AM) BuCkSaTaN: People are just reatrded.
(11:33:35 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: I was in the [bar name omitted] last night and the bartender confirmed she’s selling less Kieth’s since the story broke.
(11:33:47 AM) BuCkSaTaN: idiots…
(11:33:47 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: enough to notice…
(11:33:58 AM) BuCkSaTaN: Again I say, people are like sheep…
(11:34:53 AM) BuCkSaTaN: Am I gonna stop listening to the White Album because Charles Manson used it as a platform for his insane conspiracy theories? NO!
(11:35:13 AM) BuCkSaTaN: No wonder I never go out.
(11:35:16 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: haha
(11:37:00 AM) gjuddy mcmudd: “You yell barracuda, everybody says, “Huh? What?” You yell shark, we’ve got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.“

“THE RESIDENTS’ RIVER OF CRIME is a character driven podcast series of 20 shows, based on the time honored concept of TRUE CRIME. Rooted in 1940’s style radio drama, THE RIVER OF CRIME not only updates the original form with modern production values, but also heavily leans on a distinctive soundtrack as one of its primary dramatic devices.“

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Shitbaby!

1. Britain’s Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Shitbaby.
2. Red Shitbaby at night, shepherd’s delight. Red Shitbaby at morning, shepherd’s warning!
3. The difference between Shitbaby and a village is that Shitbaby do not have a church.
4. Medieval knights put the skin of Shitbaby on their sword handles to improve the grip.
5. The state nickname of Iowa is ‘The Shitbabe state’.
6. If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about Shitbaby!
7. It’s bad luck to whistle near Shitbaby.
8. Shitbaby can run sixty-five kilometres an hour – that’s really fast.
9. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Shitbaby as they rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
10. All shrimp are born as Shitbaby, but gradually mature into females!

(personal faves in bold.)