Superhero Cash-Grab
“But nowadays I’m really cranky about comics. Because most of them are just really, really poorly written soft-core. And I miss good old storytelling. And you know what else I miss? Super powers. Why is it now that everybody’s like “I can reverse the polarity of your ions!” Like in one big flash everybody’s Doctor Strange. I like the guys that can stick to walls and change into sand and stuff. I don’t understand anything anymore. And all the girls are wearing nothing, and they all look like they have implants. Well, I sound like a very old man, and a cranky one, but it’s true.”
- Joss Whedon
“Daredevil…Ooh! I’m afraid of a bliiind super-heero…”
- Brainwarp
——
The world has turned into a juvenile, under-roo-wearing pants-pissing culture, worshipping pseudo-gods and big-boobed, spandex wearing mother figures.
Welcome to Hollywood - Superhero Cash-Grab Central.
In the history of film has there ever been more superhero films than in the last decade? It appears that every second film to be advertised on television is a Marvel comic adaptation.
Spiderman, Batman (5 in the last decade), Catwoman, Daredevil, The Hulk, The Punisher, X-Men, Hellboy, Blade and then there’s the up and coming The Flash, Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four, Superman, blah blah blah…the list goes on…
There’s also cartoon parodies (“The Incredibles”), twelve different versions of a Batman cartoon on television, and everywhere I look, some obscure superhero I’ve never heard of (Elektra?? Who in fuck read Elektra??) comes crawling out of Stan Lee’s ass.
What is America’s fascination with these righters of wrong, these destroyers of the world’s ne’er do wells? I’m just going to say it - 9-11. The comic book “Captain America” arose from the need to have a larger than life figure fight and ultimately win all battles for the U.S. of A in the 40’s and I feel that the resurgence in superhero lore is a subconscious reaction to their current political climate. Oh yeah, and money.
As a comic artist myself, I really hate superheros. Okay, I read Spiderman and Batman as a child, but have found no interest in them as an adult. I’ve watched a lot of these superhero films, but they leave me dry and dissatisfied. The only ones I have truly enjoyed over the last two decades were “Hellboy” and “X-Men” (and I’ve never read either comic), and I’m looking forward to “Sin City” (haven’t read that either).
The reason for my outrage, on the superhero movie front, had to do with the article below from USA Today.
Not only does Hollywood have to rape and pillage the sublime art form of the comic book, but now these same geeks who were attached to superhero film projects (and not by the merit of their “geekiness” as some would have you think (Kevin Smith, Sam Raimi) - save that for agent-goaded sound bites, fellas!) are saying that “writing for comic books allows them to flex new creative muscles and become more familiar with story lines they may soon bring to the big screen”.
If this is true, then I ask you, why is Kevin Smith writing a comic book of “Clerks“? BoooOOOOO! HsssSSSSSH! Way to flex those creative writing muscles there, Kevin!
This dunderhead article goes on to name various other directors that have decided that their magical touch is needed in the realm of comics:
Kevin Smith (mentioned previously), Bryan Singer, Joss Whedon, David Goyer…
David Goyer is quoted as saying, “comic book writing is a lure for directors because it’s a throwback to old-time filmmaking.”
“You don’t have the big budgets and the special effects,” says Goyer, who adapted the comic book screenplays for both previous Blade films. “It’s more simplistic storytelling.”
It’s people like this, that give the art form of comics a bad name.
The article finally reveals it’s true nature (and the consistent nature of Hollywood and their idea-drained, mimicking ilk) by it’s closing;
“This high-profile moonlighting has a double payoff: Big-name directors bring more attention to comic books, and comic books can help sell upcoming films.
Installments of Ultimate Spider-Man comics, for instance, the story line revolves around Spidey’s anger at Hollywood for trying to make a movie about him.”
Really folks, I don’t have the words to describe just how sickening the above two paragraphs are. I’m speechless.