Ahhhh! The internet! Where a complete stranger can find an email address and just start harassing someone until legal action has to intervene. Where else could you find a story like the one below (unless you were Mel Gibson or Britney Spears)?

A while back I started gettting letters from a rabid fan of “Hilarious House of Frightenstein” and the guy is really starting to get on my nerves. Since I mentioned on the blog that I may know where to locate some of the master tapes of this Canadian “children’s” classic, he’s been pestering me to no end as to when I’ll have the 130 tapes in my possession. I’ve already told this nut that I cannot get my hands on these tapes without breaking the law, and that if I ever did get them he’d be the first to know, but he refuses give up!

I mean, it was fine in the beginning, but now this guy is starting to sound like a broken record! Here’s the persistent letters I continue to receive in my SPAM box every couple of weeks like clock-work…(note the feverish and extensive use of exclamation and question marks.)

——

November 26

Hello, Bucky!

Does ANYBODY on the face of this planet have ALL 130 episodes of Hilarious House Of Frightenstein? Apparently somebody does and I would love to know who and how I can get in contact with him or her? Any information would be greatly appreciated!!! You should feel so honoured to have met and had lunch with Mr. Van before he passed away! He truly in my mind is a Canadian Legend that was so original, he could never be replaced by any other comic today! Does your friend at his local television station still have access to all those 130 masters as you mentioned in your article? Were they REALLY destroyed? I have seen numerous bootleg copies of this show, but never a high grade quality one! Do ANY high grade quality ones still exist? Very curious to know if they do! Please email me any information if you know who, where and how I could attain the complete collection of this incredible show of 1971!!! Many Thanks & Seasons Greetings!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

My Response: (truncated)

I do in fact know someone who has access to the entire 130 copies of the show…

He could get into a lot of trouble getting the tapes shipped, so the wait has been going on for some time now. I don’t expect them very soon…

Thanks for your interest! If anything happens, you’ll hear about it on my blog.

——

Novemeber 27 (The next day!)

Hello, Buck!

Any word when you will be obtaining these 130 episodes of HHOF? Are you interested in a possible transaction with me for the complete set? Please contact me asap when you do get hold of the entire collection! Many Thanks & Seasons Greetings!!!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

My Response:

As I mentioned previously - this is something that may not happen for a long time as it is illegal. I understand your interest in these tapes, but I cannot guarantee anything will ever happen with them.

You may want to try contacting the people at www.frightenstein.com.
He has copies of some of the episodes I believe.

——

Novemeber 27 (Same day!)

Hello, Buck!

Did you hear back from that person who says they have access to all 130 episodes of HHOF? I thought the original masters were all destroyed? Please clarify this! Unless somebody made copies of the masters before they were destroyed? Who has them anyways? Showcase network? CHCH TV? YTV? Please clarify this for me! Any chance of getting them by the end of this year? Would like to make you a generous offer if you can obtain these complete master episodes! For my personal collection only! Hope to hear from you soon! Thanks & Seasons Greetings!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

December 15

Hello, Bucky!

Did you ever get that complete collection of all 130 episodes of HHOF from your buddy yet? Still await a response from you! I will make you a generous offer for the complete collection if you got it yet!!! Are they from the master tapes? Or copies from television stations like showcase channel or YTV? Please specify? Hope to hear from you soonest and maybe one day I can meet with you downtown in T.O. for a few beers and chat about your meeting with Mr. Billy Van, a Canadian Legend!!!! Have a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!! Cheers!
Regards,
[name withheld]

——

And finally,

December 29

Hello, Bucky!

Did you ever hear back from your buddy with those 130 episodes of HHOF? I have located quite a few already!!! But would prefer copies from the original master tapes! Any help would be greatly appreciated to direct me to the person or persons who does have ALL 130 episodes of HHOF!!! Many Thanks & Happy New Year!!!
Regards,
[name withheld]

P.S. If possible could you ask your buddy to email me, so I can talk to him! Thanks! This is for my personal collection ONLY and I promise I will not make a dime off of them or trade them with anybody else! Please have your friend email me asap! Thank You!

——

I do not know what else to say as I’ve pretty much said it all in my email responses. If you’re reading this, [name withheld], stop emailing me about the fucking tapes. I’ve been patient up until now. I said I would contact you IF I ever got them and I meant what I said, Rupert. I mean, [name withheld].

Cheers!

Buck Satan :>

Ya know, I’ve been freaking out on this blog a lot lately, and honestly, I’d like to take a break from the hatred to talk about my friend, “Choco Boy”. I’m not just an acidic, crazed lunatic who flips out about everything that annoys me, no sir, when I’m feelin’ blue, my buddy Choco Boy has the power to lift me right outta ‘dem blues and into a bizarre and creepy landscape of cartoon Korean mushroom-heads who taste as sweet as lady fingers.

I don’t know much about the mystical landscape that Choco Boy hails from, but gosh darn it, I could give a shit. His chocolatey mushroom cap and crunchy torso are all I need to forget the cares of the work-a-day world.

I thought I’d try to find out more about this mysterious Choco Boy, but when I went and Googled “Choco Boy”, I was quite disturbed to find this:

(The “Choco Boy” site has since been destroyed - thank christ. Lucky I saved a screen cap, huh?!)

Now, who in HELL would mislead me in my Choco Boy delirium with this asinine garbage I ask you?! Good Christ! I’m just about to munch into another sweet, chocolatey, crunchy Choco Boy and I’m greeted with a couple of Choco Boys!

Suddenly, I don’t feel so calm anymore!

All I wanted was to just sit around, relax, forget about insane clients, idiotic movies and the fact that Billy Van is dead and then…thinking I’ve found Choco-Boy… I feel the mulched Korean candy drip from my gaping maw…bile soon following in a regurgitative rush!

BAH!! Fuck Choco Boy and fuck happiness! I’m angry again!!

Joeblogs Around the World:

You didn’t think that this was the only joeblog in existence did you? Taking a trip around Google has shown me that just because the name ‘Joe’ is completely average, the varied subject matter of joeblogs is another story:

The criteria I used to gather this ongoing compendium of “joe blogs” was by entering the phrase “joeblog” into the Google search engine. I tried “joe blog” but I got far too many “joe” related hits and far too many “blog” related……..zzzzzzzzzZZ…whatever. Read on.

joeblog
Community, culture and technology.
“http://joefriend.com/blog/”:http://joefriend.com/blog/
Mostly links, since the actual middle content of the site never seems to load. Gosh, I’m so impatient… Next!

joeblog
No amount of drivel too large or too small
“http://home.earthlink.net/~revjwalker/joeblog/”:http://home.earthlink.net/~revjwalker/joeblog/

Hmm. My first solid stop on the joeblog train yields a wee bit of a procrastinator’s blogsite.

joeblog
“http://deekoo.net/technocracy/vortex/nodes/joeblog.html”:http://deekoo.net/technocracy/vortex/nodes/joeblog.html

Second stop. Not much better, but somewhat of a humorous take on the blog. One open line that is editable by anyone with the accompanying phrase “This is not happening, I’m not here..” at the top of the page. Next!

joeblog
“http://www.blogg.org/blog-3039.html”:http://www.blogg.org/blog-3039.html
Tres Bizarre! Two entries in French.
According to the mangled Babelfish translation, this is one depressed and suicidal puppy. Someone call 911! (errr…I mean 112… )

Excerpt (BabelFish translation):

“With what celà is used it to entrust to a species of newspaper “not-close friend”. Perhaps is a this kind of therapy. In short, always it is that today as it is the same a dixaine for days in one year, I am completely depressed. I have the impression to be forgotten of everyone. To count near the others only when they need me. This morning, on the road of work, I wanted serious of suicide. I wanted to plant me in the ditch to finish some with this whore of life!“

InterTran gives us a much more direct translation after ramming the same two French paragraphs down it’s gullet:

“hopeless, nil, non-existent“.

Good Christ. Not a very robust outing this time. Ah well, I’m bored with this shit. I gotta go have a smoke and think about what to do for work tomorrow. I’ll pick this up again when I’ve got nothing better to do…

Jesus. I hope that French person is okay. I should check back on their blog and make sure another, more optimistic, entry in his “whore of a life” goes up.

Well gang, join us again soon for another look at “joeblogs” around the world!

Ta ta!!

Note: All external blog material “reviewed” in this article is copyright their respective owners. “Joeblog” isn’t responsible for the insane shit I’ve linked to from the rest of the internet populous.

I can’t remember if I wrote this in some drunken haze or if someone else jotted it in my sketchbook as I do not recognize the handwriting. If you are the author of this nightmare, drop me a line and let me know.

“Man running frantically through back alleys trying to escape the reality that is crashing down on him as he is progressively seeing more clearly. As he tries to run faster, he slows down; people around him becoming shapes with horrific images of their sin wrapped around them. Buildings revert to their past facades, objects disappear and new ones reappear. The line between past/present, good/evil, night/day blur, melt, destroy and cancel each other.”

Pretty happy stuff, but it went well with the artwork of a demon I was developing, hastily sketched in, beside this passage. I’ll post a more refined version of that drawing when I get some time.

I’m so totally pissed at Blogger and it’s slow fucking load times. The inability to post when I feel like it, when I’m actually inspired, has led to nothing but dark rage. I’m tired of sitting there watching that idiotic spinning beach ball while I fume and that wonderful idea that I so wanted to quickly post slowly seeps from my brain, replaced with only hatred.

So! I’ve set up b2evolution on my server where I know it’s reliable. This wonderful app has everything that Blogger has and more. By god, the search even works!! Think of that!

While I move everything over from their slow-ass server there won’t be much here, so hang in there until I get everything back up to speed. For all ten of you reading…:)

Would whomever owns this card please come get it?