The Road Leads To Nowhere
Cssh! Cssh! Cssh! Haa! Haa! Haa!
CABIN FEVER (R)
Directed by: Eli Roth
Written by: Eli Roth and Randy Pearlstein
Starring: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern
Year: 2003
Ain’t it Cool calls “Cabin Fever” “Brilliant“.
Nuh-uh… “Fight Club” was “brilliant”….
Peter Jackson somehow got suckered into calling it “…the film horror fans have been waiting for.” This seems pretty reminiscent of the Stephen King line on “The Evil Dead” box cover, doesn’t it?…
If “Cabin Fever” is so powerful and frightening, then, why in hell, as a huge horror film fan/buff myself, do I think “Cabin Fever” is about as average as horror films can get? Can someone tell me why there is a new crop of filmmakers that feel it necessary to either remake or mimic the films of their teen high school years? See, Sam Raimi used some of his teen influences in “The Evil Dead”, but it wasn’t a catalogue of obvious movie references.
I thought after I heard “Road To Nowhere” on the soundtrack, (same song used in “Last House on the Left”), I was going to be in for a shock-ride…but…I dunno, maybe I just like literary adaptations or something.
Anyway, since “Cabin Fever” is little more than a mish-mash/blender of good horror movie references, I’ll forgoe the plot description, (since I find those horribly dull to plod through anyway) and continue this review with clichéd review tag-lines and copy-bites to explain it’s fairly idiotic premise and silly follow through. For those of you that need a plot description before we go on, all I can say is: “The Evil Dead”, “Cujo”, “Last House on the Left”, Rabid, “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Deliverance”, “Night of the Living Dead” - then add the ebola virus and subtract the orginality of most of those films.
(possible spoliers, read at your own risk…)
“Terrifying!…”
The maniac german sheppard had me clutching the walls in fear! “Cujo” was dumb, but the addition of a dog that wants to eat diseased flesh is even dumber…and the fact that this movie wanted to pay “Cujo” homage is dumbest of all! I covered my eyes twice! Once when the chick was shaving her legs and once when the black gang members were going to kill that poor old codger store owner!
“..a great study of the human condition.”
A fabulous metaphor for societal break-down. I particularly like the scene where the diseased Paul (Rider Strong) stumbles into a camp with the Tarantino-esque Winston - the “party cop” (Giuseppe Andrews) and randomly attacks the group ala Cronengerg’s “Rabid”! Decliciously out of context! Absolutely head spinning since there was no reasoning or indication for the unprovoked attack! The party group even ignores the Sherrif’s advice to shoot the drooling, obviously psycho-rabid “Paul” on sight! (Until “Paul” goes on a kill-crazy rampage!)
“Super Duper Pun!”
Kudos to writer/director Roth for his clever play on words for the film’s title! I just fucking love puns!!
“Completely Daring!…”
The way in which director Roth and crew rip off their movie ancestors is so blatant they should be locked away for plagurism! The only new idea in the film was the virus - and that was more than likely a gimmick just to get the media to zero in on it as original!
“Horrifying!…”
Yeah, horrifyingly bad. Well, okay, it wasn’t total shit, there was a lot of wacky humor (”We burned Henry! …fuck!), but the deer going through the windshield heralded either the delusional state of the character Paul or the loss of the last 16 pages of the script! And whoa! That deer effect was so realistic and yet, so un-necessary to the plot, I was on the phone to the SPCA!
“Greedy as fuck!…”
These filmmakers even built in an homage to the “80’s horror film-I’ll be back-Halloweén-let’s do-a-sequel-I-think-we’re-on-to-a-franchise-here” ending!
Folks, although “Cabin Fever” is somewhat better than most of the “kids in the woods” horror films these days, the current horror movie situation is not good. These type of films just make me yearn for the originals, not another retread.