Leatherface tears through the slick-ass new TCM.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (R)
Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Written by: Kim Henkel & Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay) Scott Kosar (2003 screenplay)
Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel and Eric Balfour
Year: 2003

I really can’t understand the furor over how bad people think the “re-imagining” of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is. The allure of the trailer led me to buy the DVD (2 disk set) without even seeing it first. This may not be the smartest move on my part, but I felt confident that the makers of the new version couldn’t have done any than the recent barrage of teens in the woods in trouble flicks, in the thrills and chills department. In fact, horror films in general are pretty sucking these days. There is absolutely nothing even half-way original out there. It’s a sea of remakes and concept rip-offs of every horror film that broke ground in the 70s and 80s. I fully expect to see some one attempt a “re-imagining” of “Halloweén” this fall!

If I put aside my disgust for the lazy filmamkers and their high-concept, stylistic, big-budget remakes of the past 5 years, I will say that the shit heaped on this particular rehash was really not meritted.

Roger Ebert must have been on “hate pills” when he saw this thing - giving it “zero” stars in his review and calling it the “#1 Worst Movie of 2003″. As I recall, the last time Ebert gave a movie a brutal zero-stars review like this was “Maniac” in 1984.

This is no “Maniac” and that’s a good thing, even though “Maniac” is actually worth seeing for the porn structured dread-filled, blood-drenched, Tom Savini portfolio piece that it is. “Maniac” was an infamous (at the time) must-see film that was edited down to 40 minutes, then BANNED in Canada in 1980 - now, of course, it’s on IFC Canada every other Saturday - UNCUT.

I digress, but I just can’t see how people were so upset and disturbed by the new “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Technically, it’s flawless, the terror quotient it’s pretty decent and it’s a fast-paced 98 minutes. If you’re going to compare it to the original, which if you’ve seen the ‘74 version it’s difficult not to do, TCM 2003 is pretty much the same film without the torturous dinner segment.

They do a nice job of getting all the original touchstones into the current version; the sledgehammer scene (which could never be duplicated by anyone), the meathook scene, the freezer startle gag (without the freezer this time) and the bad-guy run over at the end. They cranked it up to eleven, put in a lot more gore (which I expected in the original, as a teen, given the reputation of the film) and added a few extra weird side-tracks as well, so I don’t really see what is so disappointing to people here.

The original film was better in many ways, most of all the timing of it’s release and a story element that the new version doesn’t really elaborate on, (that the hillbillies are sausage-making cannibals) but quite honestly, there isn’t much to either film in the way of story or character development regardless.

The original had the documentary feel going for it, the geek-factor in it’s unknown actors/villians and the obligitory seventies film “societal commentary”. (Which I say you can wrench out of any film if you look hard enough - all impingent upon the period it was made in…)

Over all, I was pretty exhillarated by the end of this version and in fact, they could have even gone a little further over the top without bothering me. (Say, take the most horrific parts of “House of 1000 Corpses” specifically the “fish-boy” segment) and this could very well have been THE horror film of the year (But now that I’ve seen Rob Zombie’s movie again, it takes the award.). TCM is pretty darn close, I think. I haven’t seen the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” yet, so…(I’m really hoping for a “new” horror movie some time before I die…)

Again, I don’t give “stars” for rating the DVDs I “review” here on my site, as I feel there are always flawed elements and grand elements to all films. (Ok, barring complete fucking kife like “The Sweetest Thing”.)

In the case of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” there’s a lot here to appreciate. An anxiety inducing, cover-your-eyes gore-fest, terrific non-stop thrill ride that’s doesn’t let up until the final credits - and it’s only 98 minutes! Sure, I could have done without the wink-wink “Blair Witch” type ending, but hey it’s a horror film, not “JFK”. We’re not here to think, we’re here to experience visceral gut-wrenching dread and fear. This sucker did it for me. (Well okay, not literally.. but I was pretty pumped by the time it ended.)

Along with three documentaries and the usual DVD extras, this puppy delivers the goods and considering I thought I was going to have to sell it to some used cd shop after being subjected to yet another “Jeepers Creepers”, I was really surprised by it’s complete sleazery and dread. The fact that it’s all wrapped up nice and slick in a commercial bow just adds to the opinion that I got my money’s worth in spades.

(Note: Yes “Jeepers Creepers” is certainly an original horror film, but the second one really blew.)

This entry was posted on Friday, January 30th, 2004 at 7:27 pm and is filed under reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.