Leatherface tears through the slick-ass new TCM.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (R)
Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Written by: Kim Henkel & Tobe Hooper (1974 screenplay) Scott Kosar (2003 screenplay)
Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Erica Leerhsen, Mike Vogel and Eric Balfour
Year: 2003

I really can’t understand the furor over how bad people think the “re-imagining” of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre is. The allure of the trailer led me to buy the DVD (2 disk set) without even seeing it first. This may not be the smartest move on my part, but I felt confident that the makers of the new version couldn’t have done any than the recent barrage of teens in the woods in trouble flicks, in the thrills and chills department. In fact, horror films in general are pretty sucking these days. There is absolutely nothing even half-way original out there. It’s a sea of remakes and concept rip-offs of every horror film that broke ground in the 70s and 80s. I fully expect to see some one attempt a “re-imagining” of “Halloweén” this fall!

If I put aside my disgust for the lazy filmamkers and their high-concept, stylistic, big-budget remakes of the past 5 years, I will say that the shit heaped on this particular rehash was really not meritted.

Roger Ebert must have been on “hate pills” when he saw this thing - giving it “zero” stars in his review and calling it the “#1 Worst Movie of 2003″. As I recall, the last time Ebert gave a movie a brutal zero-stars review like this was “Maniac” in 1984.

This is no “Maniac” and that’s a good thing, even though “Maniac” is actually worth seeing for the porn structured dread-filled, blood-drenched, Tom Savini portfolio piece that it is. “Maniac” was an infamous (at the time) must-see film that was edited down to 40 minutes, then BANNED in Canada in 1980 - now, of course, it’s on IFC Canada every other Saturday - UNCUT.

I digress, but I just can’t see how people were so upset and disturbed by the new “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Technically, it’s flawless, the terror quotient it’s pretty decent and it’s a fast-paced 98 minutes. If you’re going to compare it to the original, which if you’ve seen the ‘74 version it’s difficult not to do, TCM 2003 is pretty much the same film without the torturous dinner segment.

They do a nice job of getting all the original touchstones into the current version; the sledgehammer scene (which could never be duplicated by anyone), the meathook scene, the freezer startle gag (without the freezer this time) and the bad-guy run over at the end. They cranked it up to eleven, put in a lot more gore (which I expected in the original, as a teen, given the reputation of the film) and added a few extra weird side-tracks as well, so I don’t really see what is so disappointing to people here.

The original film was better in many ways, most of all the timing of it’s release and a story element that the new version doesn’t really elaborate on, (that the hillbillies are sausage-making cannibals) but quite honestly, there isn’t much to either film in the way of story or character development regardless.

The original had the documentary feel going for it, the geek-factor in it’s unknown actors/villians and the obligitory seventies film “societal commentary”. (Which I say you can wrench out of any film if you look hard enough - all impingent upon the period it was made in…)

Over all, I was pretty exhillarated by the end of this version and in fact, they could have even gone a little further over the top without bothering me. (Say, take the most horrific parts of “House of 1000 Corpses” specifically the “fish-boy” segment) and this could very well have been THE horror film of the year (But now that I’ve seen Rob Zombie’s movie again, it takes the award.). TCM is pretty darn close, I think. I haven’t seen the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” yet, so…(I’m really hoping for a “new” horror movie some time before I die…)

Again, I don’t give “stars” for rating the DVDs I “review” here on my site, as I feel there are always flawed elements and grand elements to all films. (Ok, barring complete fucking kife like “The Sweetest Thing”.)

In the case of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” there’s a lot here to appreciate. An anxiety inducing, cover-your-eyes gore-fest, terrific non-stop thrill ride that’s doesn’t let up until the final credits - and it’s only 98 minutes! Sure, I could have done without the wink-wink “Blair Witch” type ending, but hey it’s a horror film, not “JFK”. We’re not here to think, we’re here to experience visceral gut-wrenching dread and fear. This sucker did it for me. (Well okay, not literally.. but I was pretty pumped by the time it ended.)

Along with three documentaries and the usual DVD extras, this puppy delivers the goods and considering I thought I was going to have to sell it to some used cd shop after being subjected to yet another “Jeepers Creepers”, I was really surprised by it’s complete sleazery and dread. The fact that it’s all wrapped up nice and slick in a commercial bow just adds to the opinion that I got my money’s worth in spades.

(Note: Yes “Jeepers Creepers” is certainly an original horror film, but the second one really blew.)

I really don’t hate the cute-as-a-button Reese Witherspoon. I just hate this fucking movie.

LEGALLY BLONDE 2 (PG-13)
Directed by: Charles Herman-Wurmfeld
(This is the guy who directed “Kissing Jessica Stein?” What the hell happened??)
Written by: Amanda Brown, Eve Ahlert
Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Sally Field, Regina King, Bob Newhart (why?!) and some guy.
Year: 2003

It must have been the holiday-aquired sickness or just pure fatigue that obliterated my senses and led me to believe I could sit through a film that was this lacking in story, character and humor. (Even knowing this was probably the case before I even pressed play on the DVD remote!) It’s absolutely insane that anyone would spend a dime on this crud, and yet there I was, glued, incredulously, to the sounds and colors flitting before my dead eyes, carried through it all by the sheer lazy inability to get off the couch or even press stop on the remote, a mere foot and a half within grasp. That I actually picked it off the shelf at the video store and walked to the cashier with it in some demented haze of insanity or complete loss of reason is bewildering to me.

Reese Witherspoon is planning her wedding, decides to find her chihuahua’s birth parents, so…that…they…may…attend said wedding(!). She hires a private dick and eventually finds her poochies’ mama about to be dissected at the hands of some snot-nosed, bespeckled scientist in the name of cosmetic testing. (Okay, well they didn’t use the word ‘vivisect’ in the film, but you let me worry about the flights of fancy.) Anyway, she manages to procure a job in congress so that she can push a bill through to save her rat-faced pet’s mother.

What kind of jelly-head wrote this idiocy? I feel like a moron just regurigitating it here!
Whatever… fuck the plot - it makes no sense and the jokes fall flat unless you’re some bubble-headed sorority girl on poppers.

Reese Witherspoon is definitely not hard on the eyes, it’s just that she has this queer skeletor-junkie-debutante look that creeps me out occasionally. Her executive producing skills shine through in this baby, though. And her unforgettable scene at the Abe Lincoln memorial is Oscar® worthy considering the context and “plot” of the film. Honestly, all insults aside, I (and I hate to admit this) liked her in “Sweet Home Alabama“.

Luke Wilson plays the omnipresent “doting boyfriend”… of course, I mean… he’s called in this milquetoast ‘perfect boyfriend’ routine in how many films now? Pitiful. His blandness is so engulfing, his acting so utterly stultifying and yet, so mesmerizing, that I forgot what I was watching three times when he was onscreen.

Is it just that actors do throw-away roles like some in-between, part-time, bullshit joe-job to supplement income? Luke Wilson is the king of part-time, bullshit, ding-fuck, doormat, loser boyfriend roles. He should thank Christ he knows Wes Anderson or he wouldn’t have one good film on his CV. Not one! Bottle Rocket. Rushmore. Royal Tenenbaums. The End.

I’m not even gonna start in on Sally Field, because at least she’s paid her dues as an actress. She’s allowed to “guest star” in sitcom pieces of kife like this. It’s her right.

I cannot describe how empty I felt after this movie was over.

It was so slatheringly cute I wanted to smash something after watching it, just to feel alive. It was so fucking stupid I wanted to snap the DVD in half before the “Animal House” style “where are they now” type wrap-up - as if we give a shit about these characters or whether they reach their goals or burst into flame!

Okay, suffice to say, this movie is a piece of dung. As Ivan Alexeev from “Tapeheads” so eloquently phrases it: “Stupid. Inane. Vapid. Mind-rot. Stench. Pabulum.”

Serves me right for not paying attention at the video store.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
FUCK WINDOWS AND FUCK MICROSOFT.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
Every table is fucked in Windows. Useless! It works in absolutely every single browser on EARTH except Windows Fucking Explorer…

gjuddy mcmudd:
which tables?

BuCkSaTaN>:):
All the [client's name removed] ones…it’s unreal. The code is fine and yet…

BuCkSaTaN>:):
I’m gonna scream. It’s the same shit everytime…

BuCkSaTaN>:):
2 pixels off…every fucking time…

gjuddy mcmudd:
brutal

BuCkSaTaN>:):
I wish Windows would just tank. I would laugh and laugh until I puked and died.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
haha

gjuddy mcmudd:
haha

BuCkSaTaN>:):
It’s just so vastly inferior as an OS. It’s for monkeys and retards.

gjuddy mcmudd:
and yet it’s the standard

BuCkSaTaN>:):
Well that says it all doesn’t it.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
Standard!? Ha! Winblows doesn’t recognize HTML!

BuCkSaTaN>:):
“valign bottom” for example in Winblows doesn’t mean align the image to the bottom of the cell of a table, it means wreck the table and push the graphic to the bottom of the fucking webpage, apparently.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
“valign top”? This means, well, it means do absolutely nothing to the table at all.

gjuddy mcmudd:
haha

BuCkSaTaN>:):
sighhhhh

BuCkSaTaN>:):
I can’t believe it. It’s truly mind boggling.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
Jesus… I’m gonna lose it.. it’s like patching leaks on the fucking Titanic.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
I give up… the ship’s goin’ down…

gjuddy mcmudd:
glug glug

TRIED AND “TESTED” SPAM LINES
Try them and see for yourself!

Here’s HTMM’s SPAM Subject Line List culled from thousands of emails from reliable sources such as Hotmail, Yahoo and various other “public” email companies and various big-time insider porn corporations!

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You see, the human mind is a simple organ - when it’s got nothing but pussy on it - and your job is to take advantage of this weakend state and use every trick in the book.

Try these 17 SPAM subject lines, we’re giving to you FREE of charge, and see if we’re kidding!* Then go over to our tour page for “The HTMM on the Net” Program and wait there like a dumb asshole until we put together the members area! Huzzah!

These SPAM subject lines were put together by a hand-picked crew of porn professionals, and have been carefully designed to maximize the end-users subconscious reaction to click on them thinking they’re one thing, then pull out their credit cards once they’ve forgotten their anger from being duped and fully embracing their hard-on at your adult website!

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17 SPAM CLASSICS:

1. “Where did you go?“
This beauty implies that the email reader dropped off a messenger of some kind or possibly went to a party last night and left early. If you time these properly, you just might be able to catch them in one of those very acts!

2. “Password Information”
It’s a known fact that fact that everyone signs up for something online sooner or later. Here’s your chance to take advantage of this knowledge.

3. “Don’t worry too much…”
We all have problems. This particular line takes advantage of some poor slob who’s just suffered a minor tragedy. Remember - don’t go over board with the death of a grandmother or family pet.

4. “Here’s that thing you wanted.”
Another simple classic! Lending things is a daily part of life and asking things of others is even more prevalent. Don’t let this tidbit of human nature pass you by.

5. “[name here], are you mad?”
As pornographers, we need to have an inside track to the human psyche if we’re going to separate them from their wallets. Anger and arguments are another aspect of daily life. This one is a keeper line!

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Ok. A little off on the grammar, but maybe just enough off to get that retard to click on the email huh??!

7. “Maybe you should see…”
Curiosity is number one with humans, just like monkeys and cats.

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People are also a forgetful lot. Adding memory loss to curiosity is a powerful combo, fellow Pornies!

9. “This thing worked for my friend…”
As we are related to the monkeys, so we shall copy and mimick our fellow human beings.

10. “I am really really angry!”
This is a kind of variation on the argument thing earlier. Just use it. A possible invitation to smooth things over.

11. “Re: Summer Vacation”
Okay! Now we get into the “Re:” series, which, unfortunately we can only show you a few of these doozies!

12. “Re: How come you’re not responding?”
Use your psychic power to try to make them think they wrote the above line to someone and now they’re getting a response. Works every time!

13. “Re: DISCONNECTION NOTICE”
The shock of seeing the all caps “disconnection notice” will have them clicking immediately. It’s as simple as that.

14. “I’m back. Are you?”
Now, ordinarily, we’d use something like this for a covert messenger scam, but it’ll work in a pinch over email.

15. “[name here], Are you sure?? Only one girl???”
I’m not too sure what this one meant again. This one I received from another porn company. It could mean that someone ordered a girl, a bride possibly, and how could he possibly pass up another one? A bit of a puzzler. But worth giving a shot, meathead!

16. “Happy Birthday!”
This one is self explanatory.

17. “I can’t do it anymore!”
A desperate plea for help that no one can ignore!

* (We cannot be held responsible for the success or failure of these SPAM subject lines.)

Cssh! Cssh! Cssh! Haa! Haa! Haa!

CABIN FEVER (R)
Directed by: Eli Roth
Written by: Eli Roth and Randy Pearlstein
Starring: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern
Year: 2003

Ain’t it Cool calls “Cabin Fever” “Brilliant“.
Nuh-uh… “Fight Club” was “brilliant”….

Peter Jackson somehow got suckered into calling it “…the film horror fans have been waiting for.” This seems pretty reminiscent of the Stephen King line on “The Evil Dead” box cover, doesn’t it?…

If “Cabin Fever” is so powerful and frightening, then, why in hell, as a huge horror film fan/buff myself, do I think “Cabin Fever” is about as average as horror films can get? Can someone tell me why there is a new crop of filmmakers that feel it necessary to either remake or mimic the films of their teen high school years? See, Sam Raimi used some of his teen influences in “The Evil Dead”, but it wasn’t a catalogue of obvious movie references.

I thought after I heard “Road To Nowhere” on the soundtrack, (same song used in “Last House on the Left”), I was going to be in for a shock-ride…but…I dunno, maybe I just like literary adaptations or something.

Anyway, since “Cabin Fever” is little more than a mish-mash/blender of good horror movie references, I’ll forgoe the plot description, (since I find those horribly dull to plod through anyway) and continue this review with clichéd review tag-lines and copy-bites to explain it’s fairly idiotic premise and silly follow through. For those of you that need a plot description before we go on, all I can say is: “The Evil Dead”, “Cujo”, “Last House on the Left”, Rabid, “The Hills Have Eyes”, “Deliverance”, “Night of the Living Dead” - then add the ebola virus and subtract the orginality of most of those films.

(possible spoliers, read at your own risk…)

“Terrifying!…”
The maniac german sheppard had me clutching the walls in fear! “Cujo” was dumb, but the addition of a dog that wants to eat diseased flesh is even dumber…and the fact that this movie wanted to pay “Cujo” homage is dumbest of all! I covered my eyes twice! Once when the chick was shaving her legs and once when the black gang members were going to kill that poor old codger store owner!

“..a great study of the human condition.”
A fabulous metaphor for societal break-down. I particularly like the scene where the diseased Paul (Rider Strong) stumbles into a camp with the Tarantino-esque Winston - the “party cop” (Giuseppe Andrews) and randomly attacks the group ala Cronengerg’s “Rabid”! Decliciously out of context! Absolutely head spinning since there was no reasoning or indication for the unprovoked attack! The party group even ignores the Sherrif’s advice to shoot the drooling, obviously psycho-rabid “Paul” on sight! (Until “Paul” goes on a kill-crazy rampage!)

“Super Duper Pun!”
Kudos to writer/director Roth for his clever play on words for the film’s title! I just fucking love puns!!

“Completely Daring!…”
The way in which director Roth and crew rip off their movie ancestors is so blatant they should be locked away for plagurism! The only new idea in the film was the virus - and that was more than likely a gimmick just to get the media to zero in on it as original!

“Horrifying!…”
Yeah, horrifyingly bad. Well, okay, it wasn’t total shit, there was a lot of wacky humor (”We burned Henry! …fuck!), but the deer going through the windshield heralded either the delusional state of the character Paul or the loss of the last 16 pages of the script! And whoa! That deer effect was so realistic and yet, so un-necessary to the plot, I was on the phone to the SPCA!

“Greedy as fuck!…”
These filmmakers even built in an homage to the “80’s horror film-I’ll be back-Halloweén-let’s do-a-sequel-I-think-we’re-on-to-a-franchise-here” ending!

Folks, although “Cabin Fever” is somewhat better than most of the “kids in the woods” horror films these days, the current horror movie situation is not good. These type of films just make me yearn for the originals, not another retread.

Folks, today I’ve got a doozy… Gord gets me to listen to “Let It Be - Naked“. A completely remixed and remastered version of the Beatles classic by Paul McCartney after Lennon is obviously dead. After reading this a second time, I should warn you that the “geek level” on this particular conversation reaches startling levels of nerd-ness.

BuCkSaTaN>:):
Already this Beatles is crap since it doesn’t start off with John saying, “I Dig a pygmy…” And it starts with Get Back. McCartney’s a big power hungry creep.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Lennon is turning over in his grave because of this hob-kneed loser…
Gjuddy McMudd:
but he’s been given 1 more song on it
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Who cares… like that’s a consolation?
Gjuddy McMudd:
sure
BuCkSaTaN>:):
You are insane aren’t you? Hey Gjuddy - I’m gonna make this record, the way I want - you get NO input, but I’ll DECIDE what extra song of yours I’ll throw on for you.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
This is shite. Why do you think McCartney waited until Lennon was dead?
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Bah! Into the trash it goes!
Gjuddy McMudd:
WHAT ever
Gjuddy McMudd:
he had no say in the original release
BuCkSaTaN>:):
The rest of the record gives lip service to all his tunes. …McCartney is such a conceited whore!
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Hob-kneed loser.
Gjuddy McMudd:
and this one is better
BuCkSaTaN>:):
No it isn’t.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
It’s like redoing Star Wars.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Who has the right to trash a classic album regardless of what they thought at the time.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
That’s not art - it’s fucking processed cheese.
Gjuddy McMudd:
hardly
Gjuddy McMudd:
I guess i’m not as much of a lawrence Welk fan as you
BuCkSaTaN>:):
What are you talking about! I don’t like the Ewoks in fucking Jedi!! So I think I’ll just take them all out!
Gjuddy McMudd:
but that’s ok…each to his (hurtin) own
BuCkSaTaN>:):
You’re insane. Absolutely mad. Do you even understand what I am saying?
Gjuddy McMudd:
your raving
Gjuddy McMudd:
don;t listen to it
BuCkSaTaN>:):
I won’t. It’s a piece of shit. I cannot believe you, of all people, would sanction the remix of a classic album just because McCartney feels like changing it. Why don’t we just get DJ Spooky involved then!
BuCkSaTaN>:):
hahahaha
BuCkSaTaN>:):
See if he can add something to enhance that awful Lawrence Welk they took out!
BuCkSaTaN>:):
like…
BuCkSaTaN>:):
my god
Gjuddy McMudd:
I like it better without the strings
BuCkSaTaN>:):
ok. Good for you. sighhhhh… brutal. I like Star Wars without Ewoks. So I hope the next time Lucas redoes his own film again, he takes the little bastards out.
Gjuddy McMudd:
me too
BuCkSaTaN>:):
You can’t be serious.
Gjuddy McMudd:
I guess that’s why they called it let it be…naked…so as not to replace the original…but to offer an alternative version
BuCkSaTaN>:):
It’s too bad Da Vinci isn’t around to redo the Last Supper. I’m not so sure I like Jesus sitting in the middle!!!
BuCkSaTaN>:):
The title itself is reason enough to leave the recording alone.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
I thought it was just going to be the album with the strings taken out, but there many other changes to it.
BuCkSaTaN>:):
Why don’t I just throw in the original and put it on “shuffle”!
BuCkSaTaN>:):
And while I’m at it, toss in some Marilyn Manson… I know he wasn’t on the original album, but I kinda wish HE WAS!

Gjuddy McMudd has gone offline

Gjuddy has a dilema. His cat “Earl” has gotten out of the house and the neighbours turned the poor bugger over to the pound after he was mutilating their flowers or some shit. Gjuddy went down and fetched him out and is now having second thoughts about it, as he has to keep Earl inside now. Letting him out again would mean a repeat trip to the pound at the hands of his community. I now bring you installment two of “My Breakfast with Gjuddy“, “Earl the Cat“.

GjuddyMcMudd [10:10 AM]:
oh man…my cat just took a big dump in his litter box and i’m gagging down here
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
that cat has got to go
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
geeeez
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:11 AM]:
Sweet
GjuddyMcMudd [10:11 AM]:
I can’t work under these conditions
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:11 AM]:
Why don’t you move the litterbox? Call me crazy…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
mmm, ya…maybe I’ll put it in my bedroom
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
There ya go…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
loo
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
It IS Sue’s cat…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
hahahaha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
brooootal
GjuddyMcMudd [10:12 AM]:
stinky sick beast
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:12 AM]:
hhahahahaha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
I think this is the week…time for Earl to sleep the long, final sleep.
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Just because he shits? You fucking barbarian…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
not just that….there’s a whole host of reasons
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Heartless bastard!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
hosat eh?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
the vet says it’s very humane
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:13 AM]:
Heartless scum!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:13 AM]:
over in seconds
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:14 AM]:
Why don’t you bring him over here and we’ll videotape me smashing the poor bastard’s skull with a louisville?
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:14 AM]:
You sick creep!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:14 AM]:
now that’s sick
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
Just take him for a ride and let him fend for himself.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
naw, he’d find his way home
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
of course it would be cheaper
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
What’s it cost to stick him with a needle sicko?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:15 AM]:
around 130 bucks
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:15 AM]:
Heart of stone…. heart of stone I say…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
well, it’s not an easy decision
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
but he’s miserable
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:16 AM]:
Why don’t you just sew his asshole up?
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
whining all the time
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:16 AM]:
That way there’s no dump and you can keep him.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
he want’s out and he can’t go out
GjuddyMcMudd [10:16 AM]:
I think if given the choice, he’d choose death over spending the rest of his life indoors
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
Well keep letting him out until your asshole neighbors send him over to the pound again and then just make the call. Easzy peazy….
GjuddyMcMudd [10:17 AM]:
lemon squeezy
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
That way he gets to go out until those fucks make the decision for ya.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:17 AM]:
ya. just don’t pick him up from the pound
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
And you don’t smell dumps. Everyone wins!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:17 AM]:
hahahha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:18 AM]:
broootal dumps
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:18 AM]:
You beast!
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:18 AM]:
You’re as bad as Vlad the Impaler!
GjuddyMcMudd [10:18 AM]:
ah huh
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:19 AM]:
I’m gonna do a painting of you with cats impaled on spikes…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:19 AM]:
Eating your dinner.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:19 AM]:
the cats are eating my dinner
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:20 AM]:
And dumping it out on ya.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:20 AM]:
that’s what it smells like down here…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:20 AM]:
Good enough reason to destroy a loving family pet in my books.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:21 AM]:
and he doesn’t even cover it up…just leaves the big stinky steaming pile perched atop his litter for maximum stench coverage
GjuddyMcMudd [10:21 AM]:
he’s doing it on purpose
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:22 AM]:
What a predicament…
GjuddyMcMudd [10:24 AM]:
I know…my life seems very complicated at the moment
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:25 AM]:
Well - just the cat story alone is more stress than needed.. haha
GjuddyMcMudd [10:25 AM]:
all of a sudden, i feel very tired
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:27 AM]:
The dump is making you dizzy.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:27 AM]:
I feel like I’m sitting in a big workboot
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:28 AM]:
With stinky, scratchy socks.
GjuddyMcMudd [10:28 AM]:
big brown dogs
GjuddyMcMudd [10:28 AM]:
big stretchy, completely non-absorbant brown dogs
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:28 AM]:
So the sweat just leaks out of them….
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
and pools in the bottom
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
of the boot
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
It’s like a puddle where ever he walks…
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
hahahah
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:29 AM]:
SICK
GjuddyMcMudd [10:29 AM]:
alright, enough of that
GjuddyMcMudd [10:31 AM]:
just gave the whole basement a good lysolling
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:33 AM]:
Yum
BuCkSaTaN>:)[10:34 AM]:
Lysol and catshit always mix into a lovely pot pourri.